Anxiety is like an unwanted, thrice-daily newsletter that lands in your inbox.
You didn’t sign up for it and it’s circa 2010 so there’s no unsubscribe option. To manage the settings you have to dig deep: block sender, do some research in order to find the sender so you can unsubscribe manually, or perhaps take drastic measures: change your email address.
A combination of measures might be necessary, but you have to do something to change the outcome.
Mistakes are part and parcel of this anxiety.
I don’t like making them: they haunt me like a bad horror movie on repeat. Growing up I believed the mistakes I made tarnished my ability to be worthy of anything good. It was assumed that females and mistakes are one in the same, and that conclusion reappeared throughout my personal and professional career.
Oftentimes I would wake-up at 2 am with this feeling of horror, thinking I screwed up a client’s invoice or realizing I may have explained something less than gracefully to a co-worker and it traumatized me.
It was such an intense feeling: my ego voraciously rejected being wrong, which makes sense given that my worth was so intimately connected to the mistakes I made.
I no longer believe my ego is who I am; I believe my ego is a part of me that I can control. I do my best to practice living from an ego-free space daily – calling myself out when I need to – and have become much more content since I began doing so.
I’ve found a lot of peace in the space outside the ego.
From a practical standpoint, a business can be handled better and tough decisions can be made a lot easier when logic isn’t obscured by ego-driven ideals. Another huge ego-driven need is the desire for stuff. Releasing the need for it and the belief that stuff equals happiness can free up a ton of space in your brain and give you space (mentally and physically) to contemplate what you really do require in order to become a better version of you.
Removing the patriarchal link between mistakes and worthiness is imperative for us to begin living in alignment with our core selves.
Right now I’m working diligently on shedding the layers of belief systems that were handed down to me that I no longer wish to subscribe to. I suppose you could say I’m opening a new email account circa 2016, instead of using the address I was given as a kid, which was never truly mine, and never suited me anyway. 🙂