mental health

2020 Vibes – Insights Into The Year Ahead

December 31, 2019 by Must Love Crows Leave a Comment

This year I’m doing things a little differently with my new year’s post.

I’m not focusing too much on what happened in 2019 (Trust me – I’ve done enough ruminating on that 😜)…

I’m focusing on sharing insights on how to work with the flow of the year ahead.

I’ve written the following post and also recorded some audio (⬆︎⬆︎⬆︎) which is me, riffing on upcoming themes and sharing some intel on how to work with what comes your way.

The blog post and the audio have different info so feel free to hit them both up. 🖤

There’s some intel based on astrological research and common themes circulating the collective in conjunction with my intuitive insights, and some suggestions on how to meander 2020 and all the Whoa it’s going to offer us in a more productive way.

Check out the audio above or give the following post a read.

Or do both. Whatever works for you. 💛

Insights Into The Year Ahead

1 – Help people heal themselves

When I say help people heal themselves I don’t mean getting all up in people’s faces and business, trying to pour help onto them. It’s super-duper important that we wait until we have been asked, or – this one is a bit trickier to meander – wait for an opening where we can offer assistance to someone who may appear to be in need.

We help others heal by making sure we’re paying attention to how we feel.

Sound weird? Read on.

Let’s say you’re feeling on edge. 2020 will provide you days like that.

What’s important this year is to be your own caregiver and witness how you feel when you feel on edge.

To be gentle – gentler than you have ever been with yourself.

Witnessing how you feel is a powerful act. When you S E E your feelings and your struggle to accept them – when you allow what is to exist – you heal. And that impacts the people around you.

This kind of self-nurturing/self-mothering work acts as a counter to fiery impulses to paint the town or other people crimson with your reactionary driven vibes.

THERE ARE NO LIFE HACKS TO THIS AND IT CAN BE TOUGH BUT…

2020 is the year that we take ownership of our feelings and transform the ways we’ve always reacted to them.

It’s not easy. It takes a lot of hours to become great at something. But every ounce of time and effort we put in contributes to the desired outcome.

In this case, the desired outcome is healing what needs to be healed within Y O U.

We all need to heal to some degree, and a lot of healing happens on the subconscious level – outside of our awareness or capacity to see it happening.

Just because we don’t understand that internal shifts are happening while we do this inner work doesn’t mean healing isn’t going on.

There’s so much healing that goes on below the surface. We don’t have the type of control we desire over it.

We may not get to decide when and how things shift within us, but we are still responsible for putting in the work to make it happen.

We aren’t always able to be voyeurs of the healing that’s happening, ie it’s not always clear what’s going on. But still…

We facilitate the healing we can’t quantify or name by acting like mothers to ourselves when we are struggling.

Instead of shame or blame, we can take a gentler approach to our struggles. We can offer ourselves the patience and love required to heal and accept the unknown (’cause we often try to fight with the reality of changes’ existence. More on this in the next section. 💚)

Note: You really want to shy away from trying to go all mother Teresa on the people you assume require your help in 2020, particularly when they haven’t asked for it.

Often this is born of a desire to not do the work we need to do within ourselves. It’s a procrastination method.

In 2020, be wary of desires to take over – to try to dump what you know onto others who haven’t asked for your input.

There will be a lot of people processing heavy shit this year, and it won’t be helpful if other people are poking their opinions and beliefs into the mix. People need space to process.

Do your best to stay in your lane this year.

A page of my life in 2019 = This was a huge theme for me towards the end of the year. I experienced a lot of people assuming I didn’t know stuff – of them trying to help me with things I didn’t need assistance with. Annoying but also helpful because it was a catalyst for me to be wary of my capacity to do the same to others, and dig into comprehending the difference between caregiving and caretaking. You take from others when you try to help people who haven’t said, “Yes, please help me with this.” You give to them when you honour all that they know in the absence of awareness of the knowledge they possess inside of them.

There may be some circumstances when it is productive to offer assistance. Certain openings may come up that create the optimal environment for you to peek your head in and say, “Hey, do you need some help? ‘Cause I know a little about what you’re going through.”

But there is also power (and the need) to understand that you don’t always need to follow the lead of the inner impulse to offer your two cents.

Q to ask yourself throughout 2020 = Is my input needed, requested, or helpful in this situation?

As hard as it is to watch people struggle (or act like assholes) the struggle can often catalyze change.

When something sucks to experience, it creates an opening – an opportunity – to do things differently.

People don’t always see or take that opportunity when it’s in their face and that’s difficult to witness. But it’s still not up to us to swoop in and try to fix someone or something without being asked.

There are moments when we can follow the inner call to be of service to someone who is struggling. And we do need to listen to those.

We just need to make sure it’s not our ego wanting to just jump in and make things the way we feel they need to be because…

Our conditioning has a powerful impact on our capacity to understand the source of our motivations to get involved in other people’s shit.

A great way to flush out whether your eagerness to get involved or provide unrequested input is a conditioned-based desire or a true, heart-led desire to be of service is to do an inner inquiry. Ask yourself:

Why do I feel called to try to fix something or someone? Is it to avoid the work I need to do on myself? Or is it a pure intention, a soul-led desire to assist?

When we witness people without wanting to change them, we help them heal.

Digging into understanding other people’s Why’s – why they do or don’t do certain things – helps us to detangle ourselves from our conditioning, too. This is especially important in the presence of intense feelings of aggressive judgement.

When you want to lash out at people who lash out, it’s time to pause and inquire.

If we can understand on a cellular level that someone isn’t the sum of our judgments of them, but a person who is facing an emotional undoing and clinging to a desire to not want to change, we help them heal.

Sometimes their intense emotions might make it easy for them to lash out in our presence. That’s never fun to experience.

But anytime we don’t respond to aggression with more aggression we help people heal.

WE ALSO HEAL OURSELVES.

When we’re locked and loaded to anger, resentment, contempt* and judgment we don’t have space within for healing to happen. Rather, we stagnate ourselves.

There’s just too much of the heavy stuff everywhere. There’s no room within us to add anything new, let alone space for what we truly desire to enter the mix.

We need to make room within ourselves for the experiences and feelings we desire to enter the scene. You can’t enter a home that is already at full capacity.

Set the intention this year to create a home within yourself – a landscape that is capable of welcoming new experiences.

Seek out the stuff and things that are taking up a lot of space within you, yet aren’t serving you. Notice their presence and how they affect you. Make sure you see them.

Note: I recommend investigating IFS – Internal Family Systems. It’s a powerful process. There are a lot of books about it. Hit me up for recommendations.

* A note on contempt: This is a theme that needs to get flushed out this year. It’s a powerful relationship destructor. We need relationships with others and ourselves to be productive – to get where we’re destined to go. To learn more about contempt check out this post in my resource section.

2 – Use your fire strategically

There will be a lot of transitions this year. A lot of change. And with all the change comes resistance.

We can’t avoid the changes that are coming.

All we can do is set the intention to uncover the courage within to trust that these new experiences are for our greater good – both the ones that feel good and the ones that feel bad.

A lot of things need to die.

They may be broken but we keep using them because it’s familiar to us. We may feel comfortable using something that’s broken, and even feel safe amidst the long-term struggle, of trying to make something broken work for us, not against us.

In 2020, what’s broken is going to need to be parted with.

Car analogy = Say your car is on the fritz and it finally breaks down on the highway. Instead of calling a tow truck and sorting out how to get home, you bang your fists on the window for hours, believing the car will come back to life if you beat it enough – that you’ll magically end up driving away at some point by doing the same thing, over and over again, even though it’s not helping you one iota.

You don’t want to do this kind of unproductive stuff in 2020.

Change is coming. Stuff you’re used to will change, evolve, grow. Die. Versions of who you once were are ready to die.

IE you’re going to evolve, whether you want to or not. It can be difficult or less difficult depending on your willingness to realize that you can’t stop this train.

Evolution baby. It’s here. And no fist banging is going to stop it.

If you’ve gone most of your life fighting with change this year is going to be tough. If you’ve extensively and redundantly resisted change then this year is going to be hella challenging.

2020 is the year of doing the inner work required to get you in alignment with the work you’re here to do. ∞ ∞ ∞

If you’ve got a lot of fire within you it’s probably helped you act or not act throughout your life. You can use your fire to dig your heels in and be stubborn AF. You can use your fire to foster an extensively reactionary way of interacting with others.

You can also use your fire as a strategy to help align you with what you truly want to experience in life.

Right now is the time to start interrogating HOW you use your fire, and question if it’s helping.

I use the word interrogate to highlight the need to take this seriously. Not to self-shame or bully yourself about how you’ve been doing things, but to get serious about taking a comb to how you react to your experiences and your feelings.

Question if how you’ve been doing things is helping you achieve what you truly desire, and/or what you could do differently to align yourself with feeling how you want to feel.

Easy to crap on the fiery aspects of our personalities; Productive to use the fire to your advantage.

In 2020, direct your fire toward strategies that serve you.

How are you going to process strong emotions when they come up? What will you do when you feel out of your skin uncomfortable with certain feelings? STRATEGIZE.

If you don’t have a fiery personality to help you establish and use a strategy, seek out people who have the fire you need.

The energy of who you surround yourself with affects you. So get strategic with who you surround yourself with.

Absorb their energy. Use their energy to help fire you up. Tap into their gifts and abilities. Work with them and learn through them. And use what you learn to help work through what needs to be worked through.

NOTE: If you want more direction or guidance on how to work with what you’ve got in the year ahead check out this page.

3 – A time for celebration

Within the intense periods of 2020, there exists room to celebrate.

The changes we struggle to accept, and the fear that bubbles up when we feel uncomfortable about how we feel: these are all signs of the capacity for amazing things to arise from the wake of change.

Over the years I’ve uncovered a powerful capacity to witness what is beyond my current experience or feelings – what my fear and discomfort are capable of unveiling.

I know the power of inner work – of sitting with how I feel and allowing myself to feel my feelings. It’s a catalyst for amazing experiences to unfold.

This is not easy work.

The fallacy of our society and our humanness, which trips us up A LOT is that somehow this inner work is supposed to be easy. That it needs to be easy.

Some things are easy. And some things are just easier for some people.

This kind of inner work isn’t easy for ANYONE.

It’s the hardest work you can do, to witness the feelings you are taught to deny, push down, or ignore.

But the outcome of the witnessing is magic.⚡️⚡️⚡️

As you inevitably experience some challenges throughout 2020, remember what these challenging times are capable of producing.

You might not be able to see what’s coming, but something is being created within and through the heaviness of strong emotions and disruptions to the ease and flow you crave.

You might not always be able to see the sky, but it’s always there. And within the murky waters is clear water that is fueling you towards your soul-driven desires, whether you see it or not.

What you truly want is at the other end of all the change 2020 is bringing.

It’s braided within it and throughout it, waiting to be unveiled, IF you allow what needs to happen for it to come to the surface to happen.

I’m not saying this year ahead is going to be awful, and I’m not saying it’s going to be easy either.

2020 is going to be different.

It’s going to be filled with never-ending opportunities to evolve which will go a lot smoother IF you allow the currents of change to take you, instead of clinging to a reed (a refusal to accept change) which is destined to break.

∞ Breathe deeply and float with the currents of 2020 ∞

FINAL THOUGHTS:

Give yourself lots of breaks from the inner work you do in 2020.

Balance out the intensity with lightness.

Watch a lot of funny movies. Read some beautiful books. Travel when you can (travelling can mean walking around the block).

Allow for moments to mentally disengage with all that draws from you.

Align yourself with energies that serve you. That means making sure your Instagram and FB feeds are filled with energy that empowers you.

Every action we make in life is a vote for what we want to experience. Unfollow all accounts that contribute to you feeling small, not good enough – not empowered.

Side note: you don’t have to explain yourself or your actions made in the name of your own wellness to anyone. Not replying is a message. (Not sure who needs to read that but I sure do.)

Also: Shut your phone off. A lot

When I see my phone I see its power to siphon from all the work I’m doing to heal myself. Social media is a rabbit hole of getting caught up in what other people are doing when we need to focus on doing what it takes to achieve what we desire. Especially in 2020.

That said, phones are amazing, right?? 🙏🏻🤗😜 I love my iPhone and all my tech stuff. It’s what allows me to do what I do with flow and ease.

BUT THERE ARE DAYS WHEN ALL OF THAT TECH STUFF NEEDS TO BE TURNED OFF. Or at least put on airplane mode, save for your kids or immediate family.

And here comes my word for the year ahead again…

STRATEGIZE!

What’s working? What’s helping you achieve what you desire? What’s not? Flush it out. Consistently – with tenacity.

That’s it for my thoughts on 2020.

Thank you for reading! And if you listened to the audio above – thank you! It’s the first of many. 🖤

Feel free to reach out with Qs about anything I shared, or book a reading.

Lots of love,

Everything is NOT in its place (and that’s OK)

June 4, 2019 by Must Love Crows Leave a Comment

It was 2 am and I had to pee. But I didn’t want to get up because I didn’t want to wake up my cat. 😂

If you’ve got kids, cool, you know what I mean.

Nothing worse than them waking up in the middle of the night thinking it’s time to get up and do day time stuff when you’re trying to take care of business.

Except for me, instead of a human child, it’s a long-haired black cat/parrot.

(The parrot reference = he mimics our voices which is equal parts hilarious and cute).

Jack the cat likes to assume that my late night shuffles down the hallway are invitations to get chatty:

Oh hey! You’re awake! Come on, let’s talk! Also, I need Food!!

That’s what happened last week. He heard me with his hyper Vulcan hearing and came chirping and dramatically meowing down the hallway.

And he wanted stuff from me.

He wanted to be petted and brushed, followed by treats and food – ASAP.

Jack the cat, committing sock felonies and leaving his DNA (read: fur) EVERYWHERE

Hard not to want to oblige – he’s pretty cute.

But he already had food, he just wanted his food a certain way.

His preferred way of being fed is freshly out of the can with the dish placed directly underneath him on the chair (which happens to by MY chair! 😂)

This is funny because it’s not like he has a discerning palate. He’s been busted eating garbage multiple times.

And he doesn’t know the difference between a few hours old and fresh food. I trick him by mixing up his older food, pretending like I just made it, and he falls for it every time!

The real issue is that he wants things a certain way or else he deems them unacceptable.

Cat idiosyncrasies might be cute during the day, but at 2 am when you’re tired and need to pee, they’re overrated.

So I said hello to him, peed, and peaced out behind my closed bedroom door. Then I woke up a few hours later to a startling realization:

I AM EXACTLY LIKE MY CAT.

I am rigid about how things need to be. Sometimes I even reject things because they aren’t the way I want them or expect them to be.

Some of those expectations are in my best interest.

For example, I expect the people in my life to be supportive and loving, or else I don’t allow them into my life.

Boundaries are an important part of the whole mental health mystery. If they aren’t in place, you’re gonna struggle.

But getting caught up in how things need to look and feel and be in other areas is really siphoning the joy out of my life.

I have a lot to be joyful about, just like Jack the cat does. I have good food, good love and support, rewarding work, and stuff and things I’m grateful for.

I am hashtag blessed, yet I let strict expectations run my show, blurring my ability to relax and enjoy all the beauty that comes with the unexpected.

I want to go with the flow more. I want to enjoy the process of life.

I want to experience joy when it’s happening.

To make that happen I need to ditch my drive to control how everything looks and feels.

The 2 am wake up with my fur child has inspired me to investigate my default settings. I’ve begun asking myself some squirm-in-your-seat questions:

Am I allowing the joy to come through in this experience?

Am I shutting myself off from joy by gripping to rigid “ideals” that are anything but?

**It can be really scary to accept that your default response is causing you to suffer.**

All it takes is one unsolicited should-based response from a stranger focusing on your perceived failures instead of the courage it took to be honest about the fact that you don’t have it all figured out, to compel you to clamp your heart shut on stuff that needs to be addressed.

But living with a closed heart is an expensive way to live. It siphons from your ability to experience joy.

So instead of buying into denying or ignoring your issues, focus on taking your power back.

The next time you get uncomfortable about the idea of inquiring into the existence of your own counterproductive default settings – particularly how being truthful about them might be perceived by others – percolate on this statement:

Unless you’re in the arena, too, Brenda, I’m not open or interested in your opinion.

(No offence to any Brenda’s out there. It just felt like the right name for this example.)

If you’re doing this kind of work, you’re on a different wavelength than the should-ers.

Unrequested (and unsupportive) critiques of your journey are coming from people who are not in the same realm of thinking as you, so their comments don’t have a place in your life.

Walk on by unsupportive comments.

Don’t take ownership of them. Just step on over and past them, and keep on walking.

Keep being courageous, ’cause that’s what these kinds of inquiries require: Courage.

FYI: the quote above (minus the Brenda reference) is from Brene Brown’s new Netflix special which I highly recommend you watch.

Watching TV can be self-care if it’s lighting you up like Brene’s show did for me. 😍

I hope something within this post resonated with you. You are loved.

Pssst: If you liked this post you might want to sign up to receive the occasional email from me (anywhere from 1 to 2 per month max.) That’s where this post originated. 🙂

3 Things I Let Go Of In 2018

December 27, 2018 by Must Love Crows Leave a Comment

2018 has been a wild ride.

One of the craziest things that happened? I found out I have a sister through an Ancestry DNA kit. If you ever do one of those suckers and get an alert of a first cousin, beware: you could be involuntarily uncovering some skeletons in the familial closet!

Career-wise, things have been on the up and up: I started my own writing consulting business. It’s been really exciting to finally have found my niche, though more along the excitement lines of “I can’t believe I get paid to do this!” as opposed to, “Excuse me? Who did you say your father was??” 😂

There have been loads of emotional moments and super challenging situations which freaked me the fuck out this year. It hasn’t been easy and I haven’t succeeded in hitting the “Act In Alignment With Higher-Self” mark I’ve aimed for on every occasion (Shout out to my humanness for keeping me on my toes.) But I’ve done my best to be kind to myself and others as I’ve meandered emotionally volatile scenarios.

I’ve become heavily acquainted with the fact that you can’t be kind to other people in real ways if you’re not being kind to yourself.

Boom. Take a moment to absorb that hard-earned golden nugget of truth, on a cellular level.

I’ve been proud of my growth, frustrated with what felt like a total lack of it at times, and surprised when everything worked out better than expected in the end, even though I was full of self-doubt and scared as hell when everything was all, “What does this mean? What do I do now? Ahhhhhh!!!!!”

It hasn’t always been a pretty scene, but that’s another thing I did this year: let go of trying to adhere to an impossible mold.

I realized I wasn’t born to be agreeable and reserved, and that I’m full-out exhausted over attempting to be someone else’s version of appropriate or pretty.

Fuuuuuck thaaaaaaat. I was born to be so much more than the rigid societal standards set for women, and 2018 was the year I owned that truth.

I’ve tried to acknowledge how profound my transformation has been as often as possible. (Insight: we need to focus more time and energy on our accomplishments rather than our perceived failures. Like, pat ourselves on the back more than once for the same thing. Seriously.)

I’ve let go of beliefs, behaviors, and in some cases people who were holding me back, and every single time I’ve courageously said goodbye to something or someone I’ve been met with an incredible new experience.

I’m talking manifesting income, new friendships, and peace of mind. ❤️

2018 taught me that Letting Go is a powerful form of self-care and self-love. So in praise of using the past to prep for the year ahead and beginning 2019 in a state of gratitude, here are 3 things I said goodbye to this year:

Misguided Hope

Hope is a beautiful thing. It motivates us to keep trying and believing in the power of being ourselves. The world needs us to do this work.

Misguided hope is different from run of the mill hope. It’s more so like unrealistic expectations that consume you with the belief that maybe someday, someone who is hurting you might change, even though you’ve got a long list of events from the past proving otherwise.

This misguided hope business is distracting and unproductive. It keeps you from doing work that will help you heal and evolve, which is what the world also needs you to do, now, more than ever.

The misguided hope I let go of in 2018 was directed towards people who were unwilling to see how their own actions were causing their own suffering and the suffering of others. They weren’t without options, just comfortable in their own discomfort. Though I cared for them deeply, I realized after a steady flow of feeling shitty in their presence that their behaviors were destructive to my well-being, and it was time to step back from hoping that the next time around, things would be different.

Letting go of the hope that one day I could have a relationship with them in the absence of aggression, judgment, and resentment, was one of the greatest gifts I gave myself in 2018. It opened up space in my life for healthy new relationships to form, with others and myself, and honed my radar so I could easily spot dysfunctional behaviors moving forward, and act accordingly, ie, not enable them.

Now my hope for those who suffer is that they will one day find peace, not for me, but for themselves. The mantra I use, which I snagged from a Pema Chodron book, goes:

May they experience peace and the cause of peace.

It’s a beautiful thing to contemplate and affirm because it’s all about extending compassion for those who are suffering from a safe distance. It’s productive hope, that the road to peace will bring them a greater understanding of their own contributions to their own suffering, so they can one day heal, not for me, but for themselves.

Friendships

There are some friendships we hold onto because of the quality of the connection, and some we hold onto because of reasons that don’t make a lot of sense. You’ve known someone a long time? Cool, doesn’t mean you should be keeping up a relationship if it’s destructive to your wellbeing.

As a follow-up to releasing misguided hope from the docket, I let go of quite a few friendships this year.

Some ceremoniously and from within, ie, without having a conversation with anyone, but rather, a conversation with myself, affirming my need to cease communications. Others took a bit more energy, like the ending of a 25-year friendship, which up until this year I hadn’t been willing to acknowledge was stifling my ability to grow.

I realized I had knighted myself as eternally obligated to keep communicating with someone in the absence of what a connection requires to exist: Trust.

Sure I’d known her a long time, but when I really dug into the dysfunctional dynamic we had I realized I couldn’t rely on her to be kind to me. It was a friendship marred by the pain and resentment of the past, and trying to get it to work was just a destructive game of enabling.

I discovered the courage to speak my truth without shame during the process of this friendship coming to a close. Though it was really upsetting when my attempts to communicate were met with aggression and manipulation, I don’t regret any of it. I am immensely proud of what I accomplished by expressing myself. It was a powerful boost to my confidence, to command and stand firm on my wellness needs in the presence of aggression and my own fears over what people might say or think about me.

Fearing Fruit

In my early 20s, the low carb diet came into play and I was all over it. I axed all forms of sugar, did my best to cut out bread (Hard because I love carbs: carbs, carbs, carbs) and added no-sugar, chemically laden desserts and a bevy of meats and cheeses to my plate on the regular. Barf and ouch to my arteries and health as a whole over those choices.

While I still toyed with bread on occasion because of my aforementioned love affair with gluten, my fear of sugar was intense and kept me far away from the fruit section of the grocery store for over 15 years.

I am no stranger to eating disorders and believed the headlines when they said sugar made you fat. My fear lasted until 2018, when I realized that fruit isn’t the problem, it’s the chemicals in the foods we eat and the viruses in our bodies that are.

Letting go of the belief that I shouldn’t eat fruit has been a huge contributor to 2018 being such a great year for me health-wise.

I eat a lot of it now, every single day, and as a newly anointed size 2 who has healed from chronic pain and severe anxiety and depression, I am proof that it doesn’t get you fat or cause illness – it heals your body.

While I still experience some anxiety and depression symptoms on occasion, I’m no longer on prescription medication for it and when symptoms heighten I return to focusing on adding more plant-based foods to my diet, specifically fruit, and things start to improve.

Fruit is amazing. Please don’t be afraid of it! To learn more about how I healed myself by eating it, check out this post.

I let go of so much more in 2018…

I could keep churning out paragraphs about what I released from my life this past year, but another thing I let go of stops me: trying to accomplish too much.

I’ve learned over and over again that productivity does not equal self-worth.

My goal in life is to feel good, and I know that a less is more mentality is more likely to get me there than a maxed out to-do list kind of lifestyle will. Been there, barely functioned doing that!

Take some time to reflect over the next few days.

There is value in reviewing the highs and lows of the year that just passed. Acknowledging your accomplishments and taking note of what you let go of is a beautiful way to start and plan for 2019.

Right now, I’m taking what I’ve learned in 2018 and using it not only to write but to create goals for the year ahead via my desire map planner. (What’s a desire map planner? Think goals with soul, rather than focusing solely on to-do lists. Click here to find out more.)

I hope you have a great 2019 and want to help you start it off on a growth-centric note. Which is why I’m sending out a brand new offering to my readers to start the new year. 🎉

It’s called Therapist Recommended Books to Help You Heal, with, you guessed it, books my therapist recommended.

These books have changed my life in major ways, and I guarantee they will change your life, too. You likely have never heard of them because they aren’t lining the shelves of bookstores. But that’s not because they aren’t incredible resources.

Find out what I mean by entering your name and email here: You’ll get the list delivered to your email January 1st.

Happy New Year to you, and thanks for reading! I hope 2019 brings some amazing experiences your way and that I get the chance to connect with you!

You are loved,

Image via Rakicevic Nenad

The Downside of being a turtle (aka retreating into your shell when life gets scary)

December 5, 2018 by Must Love Crows Leave a Comment

My therapist says I’m like a turtle. I don’t mind her claim. I like turtles and had a few of them as pets growing up. Plus, I know she’s not referring to my overall look, she’s talking about how I retreat into my shell when the world gets a little too scary for me.

Sometimes heaven is not dealing with people. It’s airplane mode when I’m not on a plane, and noise canceling headphones all day long. It’s a strategic disengagement with the alerts and noise so I can concentrate on what’s important, which for me is keeping my head clear so I can be in an optimal state to create, help my clients help others, and make decisions in alignment with my higher self.

Getting my turtle on isn’t the same as disengaging in the name of progress. Turtling (I am hella nervous to google that in case it’s some weird sex thing and I get a ton of porn pop-ups) is a willful retraction from the world driven by fear. It’s fuelled by an aspect of my personality, established in an effort to keep me safe that says, “The world and the people in it might hurt you, so you need to retreat.”

Being a turtle can be dangerous because it keeps us from contributing beautiful bits of ourselves to the world (and the world NEEDS us to be us.)

My immediate goal is to stop being a turtle. I am majorly motivated to change right now. I’m in the midst of doing my damnedest to no longer allow my choices to be dictated by fear, particularly as the countdown to Christmas begins, which I wrote about in this post.

We can’t cut ties with fear. It will ALWAYS be there, prodding us to do or not do things, which means the most productive thing we can do is create a dialogue with it if we’ve never had one, or transform the current dialogue, so we can stop allowing it to convince us to stop participating in life.

Maybe you can relate to me and my turtle issues. If you can, you might find the following plan of non-attack useful the next time fear tells you to retreat into your shell:

 1 – Say hey. I’ve always denied fear’s existence, like it wasn’t OK to say, Whattup? What do you want? I’d get wasted instead of facing my feelings, and be inundated with fear for days.

Yeah, that wasn’t fun. I’m really grateful those days are over because they were B.R.U.T.A.L. But that doesn’t mean I currently live without fear. I still experience it, chattering away at me every day of my life, telling me to do stuff that won’t help me, and not do stuff that will.

After years of trying to outrun it, I now make a conscious effort to engage with fear in a non-aggressive way. I do my best to be patient as it shares its woes because I know from experience the more aggressive and dismissive I am, the more it’s going to pressure me to act on its super shitty advice. No thanks, fear, but I’ll hear you out, out of respect for your power.

 2 – Acknowledge its power. Speaking of power, guess what has the ability to constrict your breathing, give you explosive diarrhea, convince you to pass on incredible opportunities, and emotionally regress to your 10-year-old self? Fear.

Fear is powerful. Respect, witness, and acknowledge it. You do that by noticing when it starts coursing through your body instead of trying to outrun it by getting ragey, overspending, or chugging wine and posting regrettable Facebook pictures/updates (Yeesh, right? Been there, done that. 😳)

There is a tool we all possess that can help us. We tend to minimize it because it seems too good to be true and therefore, we assume it doesn’t work. Yet it has the power to help us process strong emotions instead of allowing them to consume us and dictate our choices.

It’s your breath! Breathing, like a gluten, soy, and corn-free cookie that tastes good, is no fucking joke. And It’s nuts not to use it because it’s free and doesn’t leave you filled with regret. So utilize your breath! (Check out this post from my resource page that offers some breathing methods I use.)

 3 – See it as separate. We blend with fear, almost as much as some people attempt to blend away their nose holes via contouring. (If you want a laugh, check out this YouTube video about contouring by Sailor J. Unless you’re easily offended.)

We don’t see fear as separate from us, but rather, as who and all that we are. We proclaim it to be our master: “Here you go, Fear: the key to my life, even though you have a shitty track record.”

Here’s the deal: Fear isn’t you, it’s an aspect of who you are.

And who you are is human, which means you are one of many other humans on the planet who are equally as skilled at letting fear blend and bully away their power. Therefore, you are not alone in your struggle.

I’m creating a new wellness offering for my readers with book recommendations my therapist gave me. I’ll be sending it out when it’s done (by January 1st! 🎉) because there’s a book in it that does an amazing job of helping you unblend with fear. It’s a life-altering practice and I rely on it heavily in my life. Enter your first name and email here and I’ll be sure to send it to you.

Update: I just gave myself the blinks googling “turtling” and looks like I’m out of the woods because there’s nothing dirty popping up in my search results. Phew.

My goal is to lay off being a turtle and stay more engaged with my feelings, even the ones I don’t enjoy, like fear.

I’m not saying I’m going to do it perfectly, but with the insights I shared with you today reminding me that I can do this, I think I’m in a good position to make some progress when it comes to redirecting my penchant for getting my turtle on.

I hope what I’ve shared might help you in some way. It’s not always easy to share my struggles, but the support I get from readers like you makes it worth the effort. ❤️

Feel free to share your thoughts with me in the comments. You are loved.

Clarity On Why You Feel Terrible in 4 Steps

November 1, 2018 by Must Love Crows Leave a Comment

Yesterday I watched an excessive amount of TV. By excessive, I mean approximately 2 hours while I caught up on some housekeeping.

I usually listen to music when I’m doing long ignored dishes and folding long ignored laundry. I’ve been purposely putting TV on the back burner for a while now. I made a commitment to take it off my priority list because I know when I’m away from it, specifically certain shows that are known peace disrupters for me, I have a clearer mind to work, write, and exist with.

Despite that knowing, I gave my time and energy to the tube for a bit and it felt super weird. By weird I mean not great, as in kind of gross, which strangely enough, made me kind of happy.

I was happy that I so clearly felt, through undeniable alerts from my body and mind, that the kind of TV I was consuming was dragging me down.

It felt like I was in a time warp, and not because so many people are wearing the clothes I used to wear in high school on TV these days. What I was watching, and the way it felt to watch it felt like a major backstep on all the steps forward I’ve made in my emotional evolvement.

I am not anti-TV. I am pro-consciousness and pro being mindful of what we are inundating our psyches with entertainment wise. I love a good documentary (Have you seen RBG?) and some TV shows (The Good Doctor = 👏) but I am very aware that Being Aware of what we are consuming and Why is the key to our mental health remaining in good standing.

Otherwise, our wellness reserves get eaten up by content that leaves us overloaded with uneasiness, and we have a difficult time associating it with our viewing choices because we’re so disconnected from ourselves from watching emotionally denigrating shows.

And guess what we are prone to doing when we feel gross and don’t know why? Blame other people for why we feel shitty.

That said, here’s a from the heart suggestion, for the next time you feel unsettled and can’t pinpoint why: Take a look at the things you’ve been focusing your attention on in the very recent past, specifically the forms of entertainment/escapism you’ve been lambasting yourself with.

Here’s a 4 step process to follow:

Step 1 – If you’re feeling super disconnected from how and why you feel uneasy, give yourself a 48-hour technology break.

Step 2 – Write about how you feel after the tech break, then follow up by watching a show or scrolling a website that is known to get your adrenaline pumping.

Step 3 – Write about how you feel.

Step 4 – Compare notes. Welcome clarity.

Even though we may be in the know about what it takes to be well, sometimes we get caught up in activities that jack up our adrenaline and confuse the temporary high with happiness.

We do this not because we’re stupid, but because we’re human, which means sometimes we need to refresh our clarity on how the messages we are choosing to inundate ourselves with make us feel.

There are certain things that lift up our minds and hearts, and certain things that shut down our loving and joyful nature. This is me, reminding you to check in with yourself, and take note of what you’re choosing to put your energy into and how it’s affecting you.

There is no shame in feeling the need to hit refresh for clarity. You’re not alone: I did it yesterday. 🙂

The 40 Day Abundance Plan

September 20, 2018 by Must Love Crows Leave a Comment

I’ve decided to embark on a 40-day journey to refurbish my beliefs about money.

Why? Because I’ve spent much of my life in a dysfunctional relationship with money. Maybe you can relate. I’ve danced between overspending, never spending, worrying, being careless, and generally just feeling unsettled on a regular basis about the whole idea of money.

I’ve had wonderful blips of clarity and peace about my finances and experienced first hand how quickly I can manifest income when I’ve got my mind and soul in the optimal loop of thought.

But I’ve always ended up in super unhealthy work environments in the process, and then quickly become reacquainted with the ugh-inducing, low vibing realm of, “How will I ever make the money I want to make, doing what I love?”

I’ve seen what the pursuit of money, and money alone, can do to people. I know what it feels like to have your heart broken over and over again by realizing a loved one cares more about money than you. I’ve struggled with accepting the truth living within me in the vicinity of such people, a truth that affirms kindness, love, compassion, and generosity of spirit are more important than the pursuit of a physical, tangible item.

Because of all of the above and then some, I’ve got a suitcase I carry with me that is overpacked with dysfunctional money beliefs, and confusion over how to feel about it. It not only hurts my back (google money issues and back problems) but my heart, and I’d like to permanently unpack it.

I know it’s possible. I’ve witnessed many creatives I admire and respect to the moon and back get out the other end of money issues without sacrificing their wellbeing. Rather, they’ve ended up in an enhanced state of wellness, not only within themselves but in their bank accounts.

So I’m committing to making a shift happen in my subconscious through my 40-day abundance plan. Here’s what it looks like:

Writing out a statement on the first day, affirming what I know the be true about abundance, and what I choose to believe about it moving forward.
Reading a pro-abundance statement every morning.
Meditating about what I’ve read for 15-20 minutes every morning.
Writing down the thoughts that come to me after meditation.
Rinse and repeat x 40 days.

I started the plan this morning and full disclosure, it was super uncomfortable. However, I was grateful for the discomfort because I know from experience that its existence is a sign something is becoming dislodged in my psyche. And I’m VERY excited to see how my feelings transform over the next 40 days.

Side note: I’m not just winging it. I’ve adapted my plan according to what I read in “The Abundance Book” by John Randolph Price. And here’s a note from me about the book if you decide to google it or purchase it:

There are many references to God in it. If the idea of God freaks your freak, and you immediately get your hackles up, thinking about hyper-religious sects that do a lot of awful stuff in the name of their religious views that they proclaim God determined they must live by, take a breath. Then lower your shoulders, release your fists, and remember this:

God is a complex term for humans to process. There’s a lot of emotion tied to it depending on our experiences with religion. However, a productive way to process the term God when considering abundance, coming from a former judgemental-of-anyone-who-referenced-God human being who didn’t understand or appreciate the idea of us all bowing down to a white dude and denying the power of the female, is to see God as a synonym for universal energy, not as a physical human being.

Money is energy. It’s an extension of our inner world, of our beliefs. So if there is a lack in your outer world, there is a lack within you as well.

I know a bit about this subject. I’ve been researching it and pondering it for years. But my sub-conscious is all, “I’m comfortable being uncomfortable and worrying all the time. I’m not interested in your new ways, even if they are entirely logical and could potentially make life way more enjoyable and beautiful.”

Hence the 40-day plan, to pilfer out the limiting beliefs living in my psyche that are keeping me from the life I’m on the cusp of experiencing. It’s going to take a bit of work to clear out my sub-conscious but I’m hella optimistic that 40 days will do it.

I believe this truth, by John Randolph Price, infinitely: The good of the whole does begin with each individual.

It serves not only me but the world if I’m free of limiting beliefs. So here we go on the 40-day journey.

To peace and abundance, in our inner and outer worlds. See you in 40 days.

PS: Feel free to leave a comment of support. I would be grateful!