Oftentimes when we are struggling with feelings of anxiety, we don’t realize that the anxiety is a result – a byproduct – of us denying an inner truth.
The inner struggle that results from our refusing to accept an uncomfortable truth can create a build up of energy that expresses itself as feelings of extreme anxiousness.
When we are denying a truth – for example, we made a choice that wasn’t the right one for us to make and we feel ashamed – we will try to keep busy in order to bypass the feelings that come up as a result of realizing we made the wrong choice.
It’s no wonder that we try to keep busy:
It’s very hard for humans to hold energetic expressions of remorse, shame, guilt, frustration.
We don’t have a lot of experience with these feelings because we have been trained to believe they are bad and wrong to feel.
We don’t want to be perceived as wrong because we have been trained by the media, society and our tribe that it is the worst case scenario. So denial of truth is common, in order to be accepted, IE not rejected.
Social media has taken this to a new level, with people building careers off pretending and denial.
In many ways, social media is a force – an impetus – of the destruction of the human psyche.
The acceptance of having made the wrong choice, and admitting that it has contributed to your current situation is a courageous one.
It entails facing the guilt, shame and remorse of having made a choice that wasn’t great. And it’s deeply painful to feel these energies. Which is why we try to keep busy, perpetually bypassing what they are trying to tell us.
We aren’t supported in the act of feeling these types of feelings.
Not many people are willing to go there when it comes to intense energies like shame and guilt. It can be difficult to find people in your life who you can trust to honor the process of facing them.
Humans are so triggered by their own unaddressed shame and guilt that they often get triggered by a person admitting they made a wrong choice.
They will use your admission of feeling ashamed or guilty over the choice you made as an opportunity to double down on how they didn’t make the wrong choice. And then offer passive aggressive (or just plain aggressive) responses to your courageous admission, rather than the support and love you could really use.
Why do they do this?
Humans are terrified of shame, guilt and remorse because they have no experience with the act of consciously examining them.
They don’t have any proof, that if they consciously sought out that feeling within them, they would be able to make it out alive.
The truth is they 100% will be able to get out of it. In fact, in facing this part of ourselves we will feel a great sense of freedom.
But we have to go through the process of accepting the feelings associated with such energies and learn the lessons they want us to learn, first.
The majority of humans are only familiar with the act of suppressing shame and anxiety.
This is very different than consciously stepping into these feelings, in an attempt to learn something and lower the intensity of the energetic expression.
So humans double down on denial a lot. And your admission, of feeling guilty or ashamed over a decision you made, can trigger the guilt and shame they are in denial of. When that happens, they will often do whatever they can to protect their right to denial. Including attempt to shame anyone who is willing to forgo denial for acceptance of the truth.
There is nothing we can do about someone being in denial.
We certainly can’t get self righteous about it. I mean, we can. But that’s the same level of consciousness as those that are committed to denial.
Healthy living requires us to allow someone’s right to be in denial. Simply because it is their right to live how they choose to live.
We cannot force someone to be honest with themselves.
We can, however, see fierce acts of denial in society as indications that damn, do we ever need to do this work of coming out of denial, for ourselves. Because what we do has an energetic ripple effect on the collective. It’s science. Look up morphogenetics.
We are overwhelmed with anxiousness because we are refusing to face the truth within ourselves.
We are refusing to accept that we may have fucked up, made the wrong choice, been awful to someone, or refused to take an action we now know we should have taken it.
Calling yourself out on the ways you sabotage yourself is painful. It’s no joke.
The truth of the things we feel ashamed of, guilty about, remorseful over, sad, rejected, betrayed – these are doozie’s to accept. It is very hard to hold a feeling of shame within us, and be with it, without trying to stifle it.
But difficulty is not a reason not to try.
It’s not up for debating – we need to accept what lives within us.
All of it. Not just the pretty and cute things that society says are nice, agreeable, attractive, fun or acceptable.
If we do not accept all of who we are – all of the mistakes, regrets and shameful choices – they will run our shows for the rest of our lives, triggering extreme anxiety and creating debilitating health ailments.
So right now, for the sake of your health and those you love, ask yourself the question:
What am I denying within myself?
My guess is fear. Could be anger. Both normal to feel. See, you’re not alone in how you feel. Ever!
Whatever the answer, admit it. Right now. And know there is someone here with you who won’t shame you or try to convince you to deny your experience. And that someone is me, who is doing this work with you:
“I am afraid”
What you admit to you bring from the shadows into the light of conscious awareness. When it is has light on it, it can be seen. And looked at. Examined.
Admitting the truth of your experience is like turning a flashlight on in the dark: you can finally see what has been tormenting you.
If there is no light, it cannot be seen. And when it cannot be seen, it continues to grow and fester, and become bigger. Because its goal is to be seen, so it can be understood.
What remains in the shadows of awareness runs your life.
Because it’s taking up so much square footage by not being seen, it’s siphoning your energy. It’s taking vital life force you need to be healthy in order to continue to build itself up, so you’ll hopefully, one day, look at it.
If it didn’t need to be seen, it wouldn’t try to get your attention.
The reality is, it’s very simple:
If you’re avoiding truth you will feel immense anxiety.
Your body is trying to communicate with you. It’s saying,
“Hey – there is a bunch of shit in here that is festering, and I need you to look at it. Otherwise I can’t tend to vital body and mental processes because all the energy is going towards these intense feelings. And all because you’re not willing to pay attention to it – and it really wants your attention!”
I say shit, because what wants your attention can feel super shitty to pay attention to. However it will feel way worse, and for a much longer period of time if you continue to deny it.
When you attend to a feeling, it will eventually and naturally shrink down. It’s the difference between a small mess you can sweep up, and shit hitting the fan and spraying allover your walls.
Putting the shit analogy aside, here is a process to follow. It’s very simple.
When you are having trouble understanding the source of anxiety, ask this question:
“What am I denying?”
The courage it requires to ask this question is immense. Particularly when we have spent much of our lives avoiding feelings of guilt, shame, sadness and anger due to societal and familial conditioning.
We have been trained from a young age to avoid many types of feelings.
Avoidance may be what our tribe has done and does, and the tribal expectation may be that we continue to do what they do.
Why? Because if you face and feel these feelings, they might feel like you expect them to do the same. And if they don’t want to, because they too, are terrified of them, they’ll push back, just like the majority of human beings who have been trained by society wide conditioning to not look at anything that doesn’t feel good.
We have been trained to “Just think positive!” This is one of the aspects of conditioning that helps convince us we need to deny the truth of our experience and therefore contributes to immense inner square footage being taken up by all that we deny – fear, shame, guilt, anger.
We are more than just positive energies and feelings. Believe it.
To deny the full expression of who we are in all its varied energetic expressions is to harm ourselves.
What we suppress grows into something bigger, in an attempt to get us to see that it exists, and to accept its right to exist.
Don’t blow yourself up.
If you’re experiencing feelings of anxiousness, question what truths you are suppressing or denying.