What happens when we seek only love and light? We create our own inner typhon.
If I’ve learned anything over the years – and I’ve learned a lot – it’s that denying your inner experience is dangerous AF.
I’ve also learned how challenging it can be to be a human being with a lot of trauma to unpack, living in a society that fears all that lives within us that isn’t reminiscent of light and love.
Essentially, anything that doesn’t feel or look good – to others or ourselves – is given no value. It’s rejected – denied and deemed unworthy of investigation.
We live in a world that glamorizes living in the light. But what does that even mean?
To some it means staying positive, no matter what experiences come their way. This entails an unrelenting commitment to seeing the sunny side of things. (Remember that song “Always on the sunny side of life?” There’s a reason it’s from the 1920s – IE it’s archaic.)
There is a difference between being grateful during times of duress, and denying that you’re suffering – that you’re feeling upset.
It’s not your job to judge your feelings, or try to manage them – to try to spin them into something more pleasing or acceptable to your conditioned mind, which thinks it’s not OK to not be happy and grateful 24/7.
It’s your job to set the intention to understand that a variety of feelings live within you and to accept that they exist.
There’s plenty of time to be grateful. But you must allow yourself to feel the truth of your emotional experience as well.
Otherwise you’re gaslighting yourself.
When you work diligently to deny a feelings right to exist, it transforms into a bigger, larger, messier, more destructive energy.
Denied feelings become their own entity.
Denial of feelings can create major problems intra-psychically. Case in point, if you are refusing to feel feelings associated with an upsetting experience, you’re bypassing them. And when you bypass those feelings, they transform into something bigger, larger, more formidable, in an attempt to be witnessed and seen.
I’m talking about the creation of the Typhon.
Lets look at a relationship analogy. Lets say you’ve got a partner who you love. And they keep doing something that annoys you. But lets say the partner is reactive, and you come from a family where there were a lot of reactive people. So speaking up about something that was bothering you was often met with very reactive behavior – aggression.
You feel uncomfortable – afraid even – to communicate how you feel. So even though what your partner is doing, over and over again, bothers you, you feel like you can’t say anything.
What does that denial of your feelings do?
It turns into resentment. Contempt. Every time your partner comes home and starts to do that thing, you want to fucking scream.
But you didn’t’ always want to scream. It took a while. It took a series of moments, of denying how you felt, refusing to allow yourself to communicate, for it to become such a powerful expression of anger.
That’s right – you created your own Typhon.
This isn’t about bullying yourself. It’s about realizing the power of repressed feelings.
A refusal or inability to process feelings of disappointment creates a powerful build up of energy. And that energy desires to be expressed. Hence the freak out; the taking your shit out on other people. The lashing out.
How do we stop a typhon?
We do and we don’t. It’s inevitable that we will each have our own typhon living within us. It’s the result of our life experiences. Each and every one of us has had moments where we felt stifled, denied, unprotected, devalued, abused, violated, abandoned.
When we can’t express ourselves, when we don’t have adequate means to assert our needs, we bottle up the energetic expression of that emotion. And if we don’t have a way to allow ourselves to feel how that feels, it becomes something bigger.
As in the above example about the partner who annoys us, we can reel in a typhon by learning some communication techniques.
The Four Horseman metaphor by the Gottman Institute is a really valuable resource for relationships. Use it for friends, family, spouses – whatever – It’s a wake up and an education. My favorite kind! lol!
The reason the Typhon becomes such a big problem is because we deny it’s existence.
We deny what lives within us. Everything that isn’t pretty, fun, love and light. And we do it because we live in a society – a patriarchal society – that glorifies solar-identified living.
Everything that is shiny, golden, pretty is valued.
Everything that is intense, unknown, scary, hard, difficulty isn’t.
We suffers because we refuse to play in the dark.
As a societal whole, we downplay the power of polarities. The polarity point of light is night. The shadows. The unconscious. The unknown. The places we cannot see, but only feel.
Everyone is scared shit-less of these places, places that live within us and are in need of discovery.
How does something become bigger? By being denied.
The more we refuse to feel into these night aspects of self, the more those areas dominate our psyche.
So perhaps the answer to “how do we heal ourselves?” is by getting to know all the parts of ourselves that society tells us aren’t of value.
We ALL have aspects of our inner world that aren’t pretty. That are fragmented and messy – not cohesive. It’s the repercussions of living.
And it’s the work of this life to attempt de-fragmentation – to attempt to create a more cohesive, wholly functioning self.
I say more, because there is much value and beauty in the fragmentation. Think of artists and creative types – and psychics – they are all able to access other realms of thought because of this fragmentation.
So we don’t throw it all away. We honor the fragments and their ability to create gateways to these unknown places that offer great value. While accepting the fact that in order to make the most of these access points, one must work toward integration. Of this and that.
One is not better than the other. They are both required.
People seek intuitive readings. And guidance from other worldy places that cannot be seen or named. Because they know there is value in these places. They know that when the answer cannot be found in the 3D, its time to visit other realms. 🌀📡⚡️🌊
When we deny the full expression of life within us, which includes Typhonic expression, the typhon energy begins to dominate and control us.
I would also argue that social media is a form of typhon – an entity created by collective denial of their experiences.
Social media lives off masses of people, seeking to portray themselves as something and someone they are not. It’s power comes from our commitment to denying the truth of our experiences, which is:
- we’re struggling more than we’re letting on;
- our lives and relationships are messy AF;
- we don’t have it all figured out (quite the contrary)
- we’re spending beyond our means in order to be perceived as having it all;
- our faces have more lines in them than the filter’s we use are willing to admit and we feel flawed because of it;
- we’re terrified that we’ll never feel fulfilled in life.
If you’re in denial of your suffering, your suffering grows.
It’s OK to suffer. Not many people get that.
Suffering is a teacher – the wisest and most thorough inner guide you’ll ever get.
Suffering let’s you know, through no uncertain terms, that what is happening needs to be investigated.
Suffering delivers a promise: “If you stay with me, I will tell you what you need to know.”
People don’t realize that their power comes from a commitment to learning about their suffering.
When you get to know your suffering, it transforms.
Every time we try to be with ourselves, and breathe, and feel through our pain, we are performing alchemy.
We have the ability to perform powerful expressions of alchemy, every day, and we don’t even realize it.
It’s not enough to tell ourselves that it’s OK to acknowledge our imperfections – the messy sides of ourselves. Because we will inevitable say, “Yeah, I get it! Obviously. No one is perfect!”
And yet we will still persevere in our attempts to showcase a level of superficial perfection, meanwhile, NOT do things out of terror that we will be unable to reach the level of perfection we feel we simply must attain in order to be allowed to do said thing.
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve witnessed people refusing opportunities – sabotaging themselves – because they were afraid that if they did the work involved, and didn’t do a good enough job of it, they would come undone.
I’ve also seen some helluva expressions of Typhon come out when their fear had been challenged, IE, they’d been asked to do the work.
This is how afraid we are to feel disappointed.
The path to healing our Typhon is not a clearly marked one. The only thing that is certain is that it will grow in power and dominion when it is not witnessed.
A healthy perspective of a Typhon’s existence is required.
It is very easy to feel it rise up, and wholly identify with it. IE, to take the stance that it’s energetic expression is all that we are.
We tend to lose perspective when we are feeling strong feelings, particularly ones we are taught to feel ashamed of.
But the Typhon is a part of you, for better or worse. It lives within all of us.
If you deny your needs, your requirements – your intuitive hits, IE what your spirit is trying to get you to do or say – it will demand to be heard.
When you deny how you feel, you feed the Typhon.
Don’t feed the Typhon.
This is our anchor. This is our life preserver. Let’s use it.