May 23, 2023
The dream I dream is one where we fill the holes in our buckets – where we become conscious of how we are draining our own supply, our vital energy. And we plug the holes, understanding that we can and will feel called to unplug them because of some relatively unconscious habitual response to life, but that we become increasingly aware that our job is to fill them back up every time.
That the only way we give to others in a healthy & maintainable way is if we allow our buckets to overflow, and then offer the overflow to others. We have to sustain ourselves energetically in order to offer our energy to others.
Where in your life are you offering inner resources that are in very short supply? Are you using an internal credit card, going into an energetic deficit every day to offer someone something from within you that you think they need from you, something you think you have to give, something they keep wanting from you, or have gotten used to getting from you? Without realizing that part of life is to become aware:
“Dang it – I’ve put 50 holes in my own bucket. And I need some of these reserves in order to survive.”
Face how you drain yourself. No shame. Everyone else is doing it too. But don’t run off the edge of a cliff because everyone else is, yeah?
April 24, 2023
It can be challenging to sense intentions – to be with the intel inherent in the subtle aspects of communication, and not get to experience the satisfaction of “Aha! Gotcha! You’re being manipulative!”
There are so many caverns for people to hide their true intentions within. “I didn’t mean it that way at all!” or “What?? I don’t know what you’re talking about! I just meant this or that…”
You have to allow humans the right to be willfully ignorant. And if you’re going to do that, you have to allow yourself to see that you are capable of the same willful ignorance.
All these impulses to not be honest – to dance around what you really feel or want to say – are a human response to feeling disempowered. You associate the world out there as being an indicator factory, producing reasons why you need to use language and communication in such insidious, unoriginal ways.
If you’re worried about kindness, it would be kind to be straight forward. In this way, we could all learn how to handle honest communication. Because as it stands now, most throw a shit fit when the bluntness of truth is delivered, and their inability to be with strong feelings ends up in an assertion that they don’t feel safe, and an attempt to light a flame thrower.
How about honesty: you don’t feel safe with how you feel, because you don’t have enough experience being with those kinds of feelings. That is, you have work to do, figuring out how to process strong feelings. Instead of pointing fingers. And lighting matches.
Don’t we all just have a lot more work to do than we thought?
March 13, 2023
It’s that thing everyone seems to do. It’s the assumption that someone doesn’t know – that they couldn’t possibly know what you’ve just discovered, or know. It’s the, depending on how your ego translates life, demeaning/minimizing/narcissistic/innocent assumption that you are the only one that could know.
We do need to be honest about this pattern. And ask questions. What is it within that propels the assumption that someone couldn’t possibly know – that we are the one who knows more than the other? That we should have such a deep understanding of someone’s journey that we could willfully state, “This person is someone who does not know this – I need to tell them.”
And it’s not so much that we definitively believe someone is stupid. It’s that we assume they don’t have a clue. That we egoically – maniacally so at times – believe that we could know someone so well and thoroughly that we can affirm a truth about what they are capable of knowing and not knowing.
“So and so is like this.”
Really? Are they? Or are you terrified to not feel in control? So much so that you command assumptions about what they think, how they feel, and what they know as truth, to try to soothe your desire to feel powerful?
This is an incredulous overstep that we are all capable of.
These are the worrisome corners of the human mind, where willful ignorance has settled so deeply into the caverns of thought that it rules the roost.
These are the patterns that prove there is some housekeeping that needs to be done.
This path, of becoming aware of the propensity to assume with willful ignorance, is one that requires more effort in human relations. It requires that we learn how to apply a greater complexity to our interaction. Which means some discomfort is guaranteed, as we meander a new way of expressing our thoughts within the relational space, which begins to honour all that we do not know about the other.
This new pattern demands reverence for the path of our fellow humans. It requires we look to the spaces within us that propel us to think we know what someone else knows or doesn’t know. It requires that we look at why we think, “Oh – this person is like this.”
March 10, 2023
I’d like to see us all work harder on nervous system regulation.
When you do this work, you begin to notice how often you blame other people for how you feel.
When you notice this, you begin to realize that many of the rules about what is appropriate or kind are designed to cater to dysfunctional psychological processes, born of early life wounding, IE fears.
IE we are being asked to adhere to rules created to keep us from doing the work of learning how to be with ourselves when we feel triggered by something or someone – rules that serve as placeholders for “things I got triggered by & I’ve simply not been taught a viable way to work through these feelings – so I’m going to blame how I feel on someone else.”
Maybe you’re just feeling afraid about all the early life stuff that’s coming up as a result of this exchange or experience? That’s OK. It’s a powerful moment, because you’ve received an insight into what needs to be tended to within you.
You’ve received an opportunity to see what needs healing.
We are here to do healing work. Not craft a society that caters to our unwillingness to do the work.
The long lists we make about what is appropriate and not appropriate – well, how logical and sound can they be, when they are designed to perpetuate reactionary emotional responses? And established by human beings who refuse to do their healing work?
A society filled with human beings willing to question why they feel the way they do, who are committed to learning how to move through the heightened emotional states their interactions may trigger, is a rational one. This is a society that is receptive to one another, not shut off and clinging to ways to defend their heightened emotional states.
March 8, 2023
You can’t take in more if you’re already full.
Sure, you can try to stuff it in. But then it doesn’t digest – you don’t get the proper nutrients because the body is so busy trying to look after the repercussions of being force fed.
It’s the same thing with your thoughts. You want new ones, but there’s all this stuff in the way – feelings – that impair the ability for the new way of thinking to latch on.
This is why we have to look at our emotions. We have to learn how to have a dialogue with them.
You don’t need to literally speak with them, with words. You can if you want. But there has to be some form of communication that transcends verbal & written language. You have to develop a way to tolerate the existence of all the feelings you’ve been so busy, out in the world, trying to ignore.
You’ve been building businesses, relationships, care-giving, shopping, eating, cooking, judging – so many activities! Some – many – serve a practical need.
But it’s time to be honest:
You’ve been doing it in large part to avoid how you feel.
So now we need to learn how to look at what we’ve been trying to avoid.
Because we want a new experience to come in – we know there’s something more to feel than this – and you can’t receive something new when you’re full of feelings you haven’t learned how to tolerate.
Why’s your blood pressure so high? There’d be a lot of intensity in the blood if you were working that hard to stifle a feeling you didn’t know how to feel.
So learn how to feel. Study feelings. Become an authority figure on how to work with them.
They aren’t going anywhere. Best to get to know them.
March 4, 2023
The ending of a familiar path. Finality moment. Understanding, perhaps on the edge of nervous agitation, that the structures of life & the future of everything is destined for more than our traditional thinking and knowledge base to date can ascertain – or perhaps accept with the reverence it demands.
We have work ahead of us that requires we be more receptive: to let go of how we’ve formed the structures in our lives, in the name of loyalty to our ideals. To allow intel from unknown places to inform how we co-create our reality.
For some it’s a big hit of future meet past activation. This is when it gets a bit overwhelming – when we sense all that’s been and all that has the potential of being, performing a meet & greet within us. Our stomachs and feet begin to comprehend how they are connected – how our willingness to digest the existence of an alternative reality impacts our ability to walk.
Practicality, boots-on-the-ground wise: what’s it really mean to be of service? Is it of service to willingly impair our ability to be of service, through the upholding of desired ideals? And where do we turn when we have to face the suffering of having our bubbles popped? Do we have something within us to turn to? That’s practical. And it’s always available when we commit to becoming masters at connecting with it.
We wanna hide and claim it’s all smoke and mirrors. But what happens when we get gut punched with something we said we never wanted to experience? If we’re so busy escaping to desired states, with typhonic vigour, how can we witness what’s right in front of us? And make a practical decision about it? Cut the wheat from the weeds? I mean, if we’re so busy saying it’s organic when it’s not, how are we going to source a new line of organic strawberries?
Also: How can you see the illusion if you won’t allow yourself to consider, “You know – I just think there could be something else to the story…” ? You don’t need to know all the details – you just need to be able to sense that there could be more to the story. ‘Cause there could be.
Dream of ways to meet your practical needs. Not the way you want it to go – just create an opening for the answer to come.
And add learning about energy to your chore list. Be open to sensing the things you can’t see and learning a new interpretation of them – their purpose, their intent. How they have a service to provide. How delving into the creative and artistic channels living within you shape your life.
How this work feeds your body. How it helps – or hinders – how you digest your food and your life experiences.
February 15, 2023
“The deluded seeker forgets that pleasure and joy can only be what they are when experienced in contrast to their opposites. The man who seeks the one without the other will find that the experiences he seeks elude him forever. He’ll be left in a void. There simply cannot be eternal peace, pleasure and bliss. It’s pure illusion. Experiencing something without its opposite occurs due to editing not enlightenment. It occurs only via altered states of consciousness brought on by autohypnosis.
In reality all experiences are fated to be ephemeral. It’s natural, so get used to it. Whether I gain pleasure from eating or sex, one thing is absolutely certain; those and other pleasures are bound to fade and pass quickly. This does not lead sane people to abjure fleeting worldly pleasures and go in search of permanence. The void is all one can hope to find in the end. It’s what inevitably comes from defying nature’s inviolable laws.
So beware the man who wants anything to last eternally. There is no greater fool on earth. Such a person is greedy, demanding and insatiable at heart, an empty bucket who can never be filled.” – Michael Tsarion
Feb 10, 2023
After a struggle, we often reached a new level of clarity about something that previously perplexed us.
Today is one of those days.
A truth comes out of the wood work. Our wood work – our bones. It enters our cranium and we sigh a bit of relief at how much more accessible it has suddenly become, after a long spell of wrestling.
It’s just a lot easier to be honest about some thing. You don’t wince the same way you once did (always did?) about a truth which, if you posted about it on Instagram you might receive a, “Oh – poor her! She’s just not got it figured out yet the way I do!”
You care less about that kind of response. Because this kind of clarity is grounded in the knowing that so many people don’t have it figured it out in some way, just like you haven’t had it figured out in some way – until now. Or, at the very least, you’ve ascertained a reverent courage to access this truth – to hold it in the light and witness it – not deny it and try to stuff it down where it wreaks havoc on your intestines.
OK. So this is good. Progress is being made. All that felt horrible is now showing you the role it has to play in the process of discovering the golden path.
A little further to go.
January 19, 2023
There’s wishful thinking and then there’s denying reality.
And look – reality is subjective. But consider this:
We are all biased towards our preferred outcomes.
We are willing to deny information that suggests the potential for certain outcomes, in favour of staying in our early-life curated bubble of how we’d like things to go.
We prioritize the reinforcement of our learned behaviours/view points.
This is willful ignorance. And everyone takes part.
Now it’s true, we do have a contribution to make towards outcomes.
For example, what we think about does inform our future reality. If there’s a learned mental pattern you run that says everyone is untrustworthy, you’ll draw in proof – ie people will prove to be untrustworthy in some way.
Same goes for thinking in a more optimistic way. If you affirm with a feeling of buoyancy, you’ll have more expansive experiences enter your life.
Your thoughts inform the outcome. They are like a magnet. The more you stew on it, the more it comes into fruition.
(Don’t need a scientifically stamped report for this to be legit. Try it and notice your experiences. Consider keeping a journal to convince yourself of the validity.)
But our ability to shape our future experiences does not mean ignoring incoming information.
We contain the potential to be delusional – to contort experiences in order to see things the way we’d like to see them – to serve our preferred interpretations of life.
These views feed into the channel we’d prefer out lives to consistently be tuned to. You know, the one where everything goes the way we think it should go.
Problem is, our “way” is, again, informed by early-life cratering – impacts of things that happened long ago.
So yeah – it’s tricky. Because we can get really stuck on certain channels. To change it requires developing a foundational sense of self that can handle seeing how we are trying to shape our reality according to comfort (everyone seeks comfort in different ways/feelings) and how we are being willfully ignorant.
Now, there are hard truths out there in the world, and within ourselves. And again, we do have some impact in how our lives turn out.
But at the same time that you meditate &/or focus on energies that are in alignment with your preferred outcome or feeling, there is a collective energy brewing that has a powerful impact on the trajectory.
The collective train is connected to a cloud bubble of thought which hugely informs what happens in the world.
So what I’m saying is, we need to be concerned about the things that aren’t in alignment with the outcome we’d prefer. And we do need to develop an energetic resonance that supports our evolvement.
But we must also challenge our propensity to focus solely on what we want to have happen and how we want to feel about life.
We need to work on developing a robust nervous system, IE the ability to intermingle with potentialities that have the capacity to alter our trajectory in ways we don’t really like, without drowning in them.
Basically, get honest about the ways we’re being delusional in order to adhere to our preferences.
Individuation has nothing to do with comfort and everything to do with challenging the structures in our psyches.
New age movements have done a good job of teaching people to deny the human experience. The focus is always on maintaining or clinging to a certain feeling.
This is where a healthy dose of suspicion becomes practical – where we can get curious as a cat about any inner or outer inclinations to deny life.
January 14, 2023
Sling shot-ing is not the way.
So, a way of life has proven to no longer work. It has shown to be detrimental to the ability to live.
And the decision becomes, “I know! I’ll do the polar opposite!”
OK – so this shows an interest in wanting to know more about a way we’ve never lived. That we don’t know a whole heck of a lot about.
Showing interest in something new – receptivity – is supportive of life.
But wholly devoting oneself to a movement, cause or organization because the attaching of oneself to it fuels our egoic disdain for the opposition is not the way.
You get tricked, because it feels like there is movement in the movement. But it’s just another brick wall. A dead end that has you in the same place: Controlled.
How long can you complain about the same thing over and over again? Don’t you want movement?
Learning about something, without become unwaveringly devoted to it is healthy. Because you’re not giving your power away – you’re still allowing life to come in and alter your perspective.
Maintaining receptivity to new information, not god-ifying any of it is paramount. It may prove that some parts of the polarity movement, cause or organization you feel a compulsion to join, could in fact, be full of shit.
Sling shot-ing is fuelled by a desire to be saved, and polishes the shackles in a controlling relationship.
January 10, 2023
When you can sense what it’s really about, it’s hard not to get wrapped up in forming an opinion of someone’s efforts to feign ignorance.
The only path forward is to accept the human capacity to feign ignorance when they don’t want to be with + aren’t sure how to be with their current emotional experience.
Then we can tenaciously vow to become more aware of the areas in ours lives where we do the same.
“Oh – I forgot about that.”
Naw – I don’t think you did. You just didn’t want to deal with it, or how you felt about it.
Being true to yourself means witnessing the ways you are denying reality.
Every one has the capacity to be manipulative. To twist the intention. Those who say they don’t haven’t created a strong enough foundation within themselves to look at the ways they are.
It can be terrifying to do. So be patient. With yourself and others.
January 4, 2023
We learn about love by exploring all of the ways in which we are consumed by what is unloving.
Jealousy, judgement, resentment – these exist in our bodies, our cells – our memories. They consume us more with every effort we make to assert that we must only be loving, that we must only be kind. That we can only offer Light.
Do not fall for the illusory nature conditioned into the human psyche, that states you cannot be anything but Love.
Of course you can be! And you are! You live here, at this time, when the un-loving nature of humanity is at its maximum external disclosure.
Where do you think this un-loving nature of reality comes from?
It comes from the shadows that live within you, which you refuse to acknowledge are alive within you.
A lot of humans have the best of intentions – they seek to bring light and love to this planet.
But one must face the ways they are fuelled by the unsightly elements of human illusion – the desire for power, attention, control – if they are to be effective on this path.
The shadows of humanity are alive in all of us in some way. If they weren’t, we wouldn’t be living through this cyclical experience – the replication & rhyming of moments in history we thought had long since past.
Tyranny would not be at our door steps, in our homes, in our families if it weren’t alive in us in some way.
Where do you seek power & control?
Where do you deny the existence of anything that isn’t in alignment with what you want?
Where are you refusing to look?
Where within your structural foundation – your code – are you being motivated and driven by something other than Love?
Your courage to examine these places within is your True contribution to humanity.
December 24, 2022
The goal is to build a legacy using the dying world – to use the dregs of the old world to build a new one.
So your sadness and grief about what is dying might be psychologically debilitating, but at the same time, as you walk through the rubble of debris crying, wrestling with the Truth, you’ll find a really beautiful support beam made of cedar that you can use to create a mantlepiece in your new home.
One day. Not yet.
It’s not entirely practical to burn the whole place down without looking to see what’s needed for the rebuild. If there’s perfectly good supplies – maybe aspects of old systems and groups that could be refurbished and used in a new way – it’s best to be optimistic about the potential in that resourceful nature.
You might want a fresh start, and you’re getting one, albeit one that may smoulder for a while – but there’s still some loose ends that have yet to show up in your consciousness. Bricks that need to be unearthed.
The mind has a motive that has yet to be seen, maybe one that’s not all yours.
Truth builds new systems. And Truth is informed by the death of systems that weren’t truthful.
Illusion creates disillusion, which allows the Truth to be seen. Illusion is an ingredient of Truth. Don’t hate it so hard. Thank it.
Larger than life plans can’t be executed without a commitment to some form of conventionality, born of the old world, while unequivocally embracing the new one.
You don’t want a 9-5 job? OK. Not realistic to think you can only work 2 days a week.
What are you going to do with all that energy? It has to be put somewhere. This is initiatory energy – of a creative project/work (one in the same) – it has to go somewhere. Or else you’ll go fucking crazy.
You need a strategy. And strategy is informed by the spark of life – creative self expression. It’s confusing because it tells you what your parents didn’t: what lights you up has practical application. What you feel love towards has a place in the world.
You just have to get reacquainted with Love.
December 21, 2022
We were all coerced into blaming each other. We don’t have to keep doing it.
It takes up so much energy to blame. I’d rather we both read a book about other realms. Still, it’s hard. We’ve been trained to blame – talk about an idealized relationship that is anything but ideal. So we will get some energy coming up (right now? Can you feel it?) that may help us (free will universe – ie you have choice) to look at that what’s been going on and consider,
Is this blame practical? Is it serving me, day to day? Will it help me long term?
What WILL help me long term? What do I really need, long term? How do I develop it and foster it?
What might I want to seek – what kind of journey might I want to take, that reaches beyond the confines of searching for someone to be at fault for these really big feelings I’m feeling?
IT’S NEVER TOO LATE TO DO WHAT YOU LOVE.
December 20 2022
“When we blame it takes us from our center – we become victims, we lose our agency in the world and we become small.
As we instead follow the guidance to become responsible for our emotions and our ways of relating, in time we discover we feel more ourselves now than ever previously.
As the habitual patterning begins to fall away, we act, speak and think from the deeper core of who we are. What does that mean?
It means we are empowered to speak and live from a deeper truth, to live a life of alignment and integrity inside and out – to live as we were designed.
And in that there is a natural “goodness” – one that equally honours our existence as well as another’s.
It is not selfish, but rather generous and more abundant than we can imagine.“
– Tamara Staudt in the preface to “Twelve Characters – A Transmission of Wang Fengyi’s Teachings”
December 10, 2022
Why are we seeking refuge in burning houses?
Why are we giving so much weight to the proclamations of systems that are in flames?
Why are we seeking counsel on how to put out a fire
From oligarch’s whose homes are burning to the ground?
And who says the fire needs to be put out?
Maybe we need to trust the flames, and their process. Stop pathologizing them.
Maybe there’s a Phoenix wanting to rise, and we keep dousing it with water.