This is tricky business, because you are learning to fall in love with yourself.
And it’s causing a problem.
How do you love without knowing what un-loved is? They come together – it’s a package deal. To know love means to know the pendulum swing of the other end.
When you are learning to love you, you will feel deeply the un-love.
You will be called to be with yourself when faced with all that is unloving.
It will throw a wrench into the spokes of all of your everything, which you’ve lived upon and from, up until now.
And they will tell you not to think of you. But you must, in order to fall into the truly, madly, deeply version of love this world requires you extend to yourself.
How do you survive the act of un-love? The polarity of the heart frequency?
You can only survive it if you have fostered an ability to connect with, activate and supply yourself with love.
It’s incredibly difficult, because you’ve gone without it for so long. Not since before this story began did you embody it to the degree this situation demands.
There have been many placeholders – replications of it rampant this earth, and the mind.
But it is of utmost importance at this time, in order to survive the falling of the castle and all that requires, that you live with the intention to fall in love with you.
To give of yourself what cannot be relied upon by exterior forces.
It’s not a problem – it’s the solution. To everything.
September 8, 2023
You might feel like there is a new way of living that you must embody – that you are embodying. A revision to your personal philosophy. It’s disruptive because it’s different than what you’re used to. It feels willful in the sense that you can no longer put your faith in over-indulged philosophies.
It’s just not lighting you up anymore – this is clear. And you need that battery fully charged.
You can be aware of the need to revise, to take the risk of following what feels more enjoyable, without being arrogant & judgmental toward those who don’t see the value in your way.
It’s the window of tolerance within you – that’s what needs developing.
This is so difficult because when others don’t believe the way you do, you feel vulnerable. It’s separation awareness. You aren’t meeting in the middle any more – at all. And that’s creating a gap between you.
This can be scary. It is scary. Because of the primordial awareness of how we need tribe and community to be OK – to survive.
But you also need tribe members who value bread baking with non-toxic ingredients – who understand that what matters to you (eating what actually feeds you, IE doesn’t poison you) – matters.
It’s the source ingredients of life. So it has to be of value, it has to matter, or else what you create will not have value. You dig?
You may be exploring a vision for your life that will create distance. You may travel within yourself – the body might be teaching you things. Remember that being in the body, and actually listening to it? Not may people want to go in there, to feel the Truth living there, & discover vital information about they need.
More separation. At least it feels that way. It can feel scary.
But they are just having their human experience. And your will to embody a new way of envisioning the journey of life – your human experience – is stronger than the fear of separation.
At least, it can be.
AS
September 6th, 2023
if you look around at what is going on in the present moment of your life, you can come to the conclusion that if this set of circumstances persists, there are some inevitable consequences that will come from them.
September 5th, 2023
the good thing about feeling discontented is it provides an opportunity for us to revise our lives & begin thinking & behaving in ways that are in alignment with our developing consciousness.
September 2, 2023
Solipsism does not honor free will. They don’t go together.
The “everything is me” is only partly true – and in that sense, it attempts to skip an evolutionary step, one of separation.
There’s a difference between compassion for ourselves & others, and owning everything another person does, as ours.
We can say, “The part of me that’s me, feels a certain way about the part of me that’s you…”
…but in owning ALL of what someone else is choosing to do via their own free will, which is what this universe has had bestowed upon it, as a law – we are attempting to godify ourselves long before we have learned the lessons associated with separation via this free will law.
Solipsism fuels shame narratives.
This way of viewing everything would have us owning everyone else’s free will choices. This is narcissistic in scope. Through this choice, we are burdening ourselves to the point that we fail to explore our own desires, passions and self discoveries.
It states that we are more spiritually advanced than we are.
We may all come from the same force. But we are not that force – not yet.
Solipsism suggests that we are more spiritually advanced, feeding and fueling spiritual dysmorphia and spiritual egotism.
You are a human being with a soul inside of you.
Other people give cues as to what you may need to develop or work on, within yourself – the ways in which you need to be kinder, more compassionate and loving, toward yourself first. Because you cannot offer that in True form to others without developing reverence for your own self and journey.
Other people also use their free will to manipulate and abuse. To kill and psychologically torture. They are psychopaths.
That is their free will journey – it is their choice. And it is a difficult one.
You are not to take responsibility for their choice to kill and psychologically torture.
I understand the intention of some to embody this story, about what it means to all be one.
However, it is a sickness we must witness within ourselves, that has us skipping over the law of the universe, that of free will.
August 29,2023
A lot of people think that if emotions are strong, or icky symptoms come up, it means that whatever they have been doing is not working.
This is not the case. At least, not always.
Often when you partake in a healing experience or process, the icky feeling stuff will come up, as the body and psyche and soul are ready to be purged of an energetic state that no longer suits the energetic frame work attained post healing.
If you’ve ever done a cleanse, you know this. If you haven’t, try it.
If you’ve done a cleanse, you will still likely forget or maybe even refuse to see how this correlates to more than a food or physical cleansing process.
When you cleanse your vibrational field, that which no longer “fits” the previous vibratory nature of your personal eco-system will need to go.
There is a great resistance that builds up when this takes place. We’re in this gap where part of us holds onto the old imprint, while the spirit led elements crave the great big leap of the new.
So basically, if you’re not sure why you feel the way you do – if it “doesn’t make sense” that you are feeling a certain way – consider how vibratory changes and the inner environment no longer being hospitable to certain frequencies can come into play.
Morphing from one state to another – who said it needed to feel cute?
July 25, 2023
July 24, 2023
A wise woman once said, “I know you think everyone wants to see your vagina – but no one wants to see your vagina. Well maybe a few people do. But it’s not something you need to put a lot of energy or focus on showing, on account of the fact that it’s just a feeling you have, that everyone is noticing you, or wanting to pay attention to you – that the spotlight is always on you. In reality, most people are thinking about something that happened 20 years ago, or 2 years ago, or 2 minutes ago, or what’s going to happen in 2 minutes, 2 years, or 20 years from now. The last thing that’s on their mind is what you think they are interested in seeing. In fact, most people don’t see what you think they see. Most of the things you think people care about are just run off from all the moments from early life, when no one saw you in the way you wanted to be seen. It’s uncomfortable to think about (you have to build up the tolerance to withstand it emotionally) but in reality, everything comes down to the fact that someone didn’t give you what you needed – maybe they took it away from you. And now you sometimes think everyone wants to see your vagina. It’s totally insane. And totally human. Welcome to your bug-a-boo – the thing that bites you in the emotional heinie all the time. Pay attention to that want. It’ll teach you things.
If you pay attention to what you want attention for enough, the want won’t rule your world to such an extent. It’ll only smart once in a while when it reminds you of what you didn’t get, and what you have to create for yourself – not through other people’s eyes or validation. Purely for you, by you.”
July 14th, 2023
It’s shocking how many people are walking around in their daily lives, still reeling over the fact that a sibling was born when they were still in need of attention from their parents. IE they suddenly stopped receiving the attention and type of care they needed at that age of their development from their parents, because a new sibling was born.
Because of this literal abandonment by the parents that they didn’t know how to process or face at that age, the child projected their rage and anger onto the new sibling. And to this day, they STILL feel the same anger & rage toward their younger sibling. IE they blame their sibling for all the attention they didn’t get as children, when they needed it most.
I have a friend in early childhood education (her views/insights are contrary to the dictates of systemic “ideals” of how children should be educated/conditioned) – she’s shared her insights into this on many occasions: how little kids begin to hate their siblings because the parents neglected their needs. She has a friend who is in her 60’s who realized this at quite a young age – the rage she felt toward her sister – and who still has to contend with it when it pops up, realigning the intensity of feeling toward their true origin: parental neglect and abandonment.
The first born child’s feeling of unsafety due to abandonment then leads to the next siblings feelings of unsafety in the home, because they are targeted by the older siblings rage projections.
We think the world is so messed out “out there.” Well, it starts in the home.
It’s the parents responsibility to ensure the first born child receives the love and attention they need at 1 or 2, especially when the next child is born. Otherwise, destructive and abusive behavior becomes the norm between the 2 siblings.
I witnessed a young boy last week, around 2, trying to pinch and kick his little sister in the face – approx 4 months old. And the parents tried to brush it off like it didn’t happen.
It’s not the little boys fault. It’s the parents pretending like nothing happened when a baby girl’s skin is bright red from being pinched with little brother’s fingernails, who just tried to kick her in the face that is the real issue.
And for the adults in the world who are still reeling from their early life abandonment: it’s the pretending going on within themselves, deep in the psyche, where the rage toward the parents lives.
You’ve loaded your anger onto your sibling. You’ve spent your whole life hating someone for being born.
It’s important that you do the work, and locate the truth within you. The hatred you project toward your sibling is hurting you, and creating so much sadness and pain in your younger sibling.
It’s not about your sibling – it’s about your parents. Work on forgiveness for your parents ignorance – that’s where the healing begins. And free yourself and your sibling from the confines of a lie.
July 12, 2023
There is a direct correlation between doing something that truly matters – that has resonance within the scope of your trajectory and purpose – and no one being interested in it, at all.
If people aren’t resonating with it, if they aren’t “getting” what you are feeling absolutely fascinated by, chances are you’ve discovered something integral to your soul’s intended path. Your path. Your direction.
If no one’s looking, keep looking – for you.
If no one “likes” it – it has something to say about what you’re meant to do, for you.
July 6 2023
I am not anti-ego – not at all. The ego has a purpose. It exists for a reason.
I am interested in becoming very clear about the ego’s resistance to human experiences, and how tethering ourselves to the remembrance, that Spirit comes before earth, supports us during times of uncertainty.
This intimate connection we all have access to gives rise to the reverence and courage we need throughout the seemingly torrid fear-based frequencies radiating throughout the collective ether.
July 4th, 2023
What we’re really looking for is the capacity to agree with what we are being given from someone.
Think of all the inner reserves we syphon from ourselves, fighting with what we are being offered.
The complaining, the push back – all of it – it comes from an unwillingness to agree – “this is what this person is offering me at this moment.”
What they are offering us does not have to align with what we want them to offer us.
Where’s the growth in that? Where’s the lessons? Where’s the Truth?
Our capacity to not argue with what we are being given is our point of power.
So we focus on learning how to agree.
“OK – so this is what they are offering me right now. <Insert appropriate synonym for discomfort here>”
And then ask of ourselves:
“How well versed am I at being with how this feels? Do I need to work on my capacity to tolerate strong emotions?” (Yes)
“Do I immediately want to argue with what they are showing up with?”
“Am i looking for reasons/excuses why I shouldn’t have to agree with what they are offering here?”
“Do I default to considering how to negotiate my way out of having to accept what they have shown up with?”
Agreeing is acceptance. If you think it’s an advocation for condoning shitty behavior, this is not the conversation for you – yet.
We learn to agree & accept through learning how to be with all the unimaginative ways we try deny the need to agree with & accept.
“I accept what you are showing up with.” Power.
Only in the process of acceptance can we begin to understand our point of power.
You can’t argue with this. Well, you can. But it’s like being on an evolutionary hamster wheel.
June 23, 2023
I’m always intrigued by my experiences with people who reject ownership of their experiences; quick to blame, refusing to see how their actions have led them to the very situation they assert they have no hands in – clean palms.
It’s often perplexed me with a dose of anger, as my experience with this has often been with friends or family members – ie they come with energetic entanglements. I can’t just pass it off as a “who cares! it’s a stranger!” I have invested myself in them, and they I to some extent. I’m not wanting to abandon ship like that.
See, this is where things become sticky. The lack of awareness lives here in relationship, as we often focus more so on how this relationship needs to or should feel rather than the truth of whats occurring. It’s a tough lesson, to realize our need to be more detached in relationship.
Not all will agree with me. A healthy degree of attachment, they’ll say, is, well – healthy. But I’m here for infusing that view with the very real understanding via lived experience, that linking ones ability to feel ok and be well in whether a fellow human being is going to behave with decency and honour you, is absolutely insane. Nuts, in fact.
And i want to be clear: i am not inferring all human beings live without decency and honour. I am saying they behave in the absence of it at times. As do I. Because the ghosts of the past come in, and we, in our lack of awareness, live by their rule.
Now hows that for a bunch of nutters?
I’m for compassion, but also honesty. Until we become diligent in our awareness and witness then work through the pains of our past, we will be ruled by them.
And we will twist and contort and manipulate our friends, families and strangers alike in order to defend the actions we take when we are living from a lack of awareness. It’s that simple. And so we will automatically deflect; we will infer the other has issues or problems – we will attempt to demean another & project our anger – all in the name of our deification of the past.
We are ruled by our history. We godify it. We pray to it. And then we scream like banshees when someone dares to tell us we are bent over at the shrine of an event we cannot even name, only feel it’s presence enough to know we will do whatever the fuck we can to keep it from surfacing into our consciousness. Then we tell other people to abide by these rules we created when we were children to protect us from something we only get whiffs of, but never fully know the truth of.
We command that the world cater to our desperation to hide from something we don’t want to witness. And we belittle those who won’t abide. Unconscious of what the trigger has to teach us about the very thing we claim we can’t stand.
I don’t know everything, but I know this: catering to our wounds is the path to self persecution. And no ones hands are as clean as they want them to be. Because they’re human.
In consciousness,
A
June 13, 2023
You can’t empathize with something or someone you don’t give a shit about.
You can pretend, but that’s just being manipulative – putting on a show because you’re concerned about how your lack of empathy may be perceived by others, or how it may impact your desired trajectory.
So much talk about waking up – being conscious. But in order to access these realms of intrapsychic evolution, you have to acknowledge within yourself that there are some things that just don’t interest you, to the point that you don’t care about them. And when other people DO care about them, you get dogmatic. You dig into what matters to you, on account of you not giving a shit about what matters to others.
That’s OK. We’re not all here to care about the same things. Why would I care about a certain sport if I’m meant to be a writer? Why would I need to empathize with someone whose team just lost a game? Just get straight with yourself about what you don’t care about. Understand the issues that may arise due to that lack of care – own them, don’t play victim. And stop spinning stories about why this thing or that thing don’t matter in general.
It just doesn’t matter to you.
Get real about the fact that you just don’t give a shit. You’re more concerned and focused on what you do give a shit about.
If it doesn’t feel pleasant to consider this – doesn’t feel sugar coated – doesn’t feel utopian in nature – it’s human.
June 8, 2023
You want it so bad you’ll destroy it in your attempts to get it.
This is the trouble, you see, with all of us.
We all have something we want, crave, demand to attain – so badly – that we’ll destroy aspects of ourselves and the things we need in our plight to get it.
PLIGHT:
a condition, state, or situation, especially an unfavorable or unfortunate one:
“to find oneself in a sorry plight.”
So what do we do?
Well, we could decide that we’re courageous enough to see what we’re doing. To notice, or at the very least, courageous enough to consider we might be doing this.
We could press pause, grab a note pad, breathe, and jot down in one column what we’ve been doing over and over again, relentlessly.
And in the other column, we could write down the repercussions of that thing or behavior we just can’t seem to quit (“I just can’t quit you!“)
This takes a loyalty to our own evolution.
Yeah, it’s deep, and has far reaching consequences.
But it’s also important to loosen up about it.
Everything is so serious. Has to be. But in the scheme of everything that’s going on beyond this life, well, we just take everything that’s happening (or not happening – dang it if it would only happen!) in this life experience thing way too seriously.
But yeah – about that notepad. Never has a pen and notepad held so much value.
June 7, 2023
Imagine how your life would change
if you stopped making excuses
for why you’re being an asshole.
May 23, 2023
The dream I dream is one where we fill the holes in our buckets – where we become conscious of how we are draining our own supply, our vital energy. And we plug the holes, understanding that we can and will feel called to unplug them because of some relatively unconscious habitual response to life, but that we become increasingly aware that our job is to fill them back up every time.
That the only way we give to others in a healthy & maintainable way is if we allow our buckets to overflow, and then offer the overflow to others. We have to sustain ourselves energetically in order to offer our energy to others.
Where in your life are you offering inner resources that are in very short supply? Are you using an internal credit card, going into an energetic deficit every day to offer someone something from within you that you think they need from you, something you think you have to give, something they keep wanting from you, or have gotten used to getting from you? Without realizing that part of life is to become aware:
“Dang it – I’ve put 50 holes in my own bucket. And I need some of these reserves in order to survive.”
Face how you drain yourself. No shame. Everyone else is doing it too. But don’t run off the edge of a cliff because everyone else is, yeah?
April 24, 2023
It can be challenging to sense intentions – to be with the intel inherent in the subtle aspects of communication, and not get to experience the satisfaction of “Aha! Gotcha! You’re being manipulative!”
There are so many caverns for people to hide their true intentions within. “I didn’t mean it that way at all!” or “What?? I don’t know what you’re talking about! I just meant this or that…”
You have to allow humans the right to be willfully ignorant. And if you’re going to do that, you have to allow yourself to see that you are capable of the same willful ignorance.
All these impulses to not be honest – to dance around what you really feel or want to say – are a human response to feeling disempowered. You associate the world out there as being an indicator factory, producing reasons why you need to use language and communication in such insidious, unoriginal ways.
If you’re worried about kindness, it would be kind to be straight forward. In this way, we could all learn how to handle honest communication. Because as it stands now, most throw a shit fit when the bluntness of truth is delivered, and their inability to be with strong feelings ends up in an assertion that they don’t feel safe, and an attempt to light a flame thrower.
How about honesty: you don’t feel safe with how you feel, because you don’t have enough experience being with those kinds of feelings. That is, you have work to do, figuring out how to process strong feelings. Instead of pointing fingers. And lighting matches.
Don’t we all just have a lot more work to do than we thought?
Yup.
March 13, 2023
It’s that thing everyone seems to do. It’s the assumption that someone doesn’t know – that they couldn’t possibly know what you’ve just discovered, or know. It’s the, depending on how your ego translates life, demeaning/minimizing/narcissistic/innocent assumption that you are the only one that could know.
We do need to be honest about this pattern. And ask questions. What is it within that propels the assumption that someone couldn’t possibly know – that we are the one who knows more than the other? That we should have such a deep understanding of someone’s journey that we could willfully state, “This person is someone who does not know this – I need to tell them.”
And it’s not so much that we definitively believe someone is stupid. It’s that we assume they don’t have a clue. That we egoically – maniacally so at times – believe that we could know someone so well and thoroughly that we can affirm a truth about what they are capable of knowing and not knowing.
“So and so is like this.”
Really? Are they? Or are you terrified to not feel in control? So much so that you command assumptions about what they think, how they feel, and what they know as truth, to try to soothe your desire to feel powerful?
This is an incredulous overstep that we are all capable of.
These are the worrisome corners of the human mind, where willful ignorance has settled so deeply into the caverns of thought that it rules the roost.
These are the patterns that prove there is some housekeeping that needs to be done.
This path, of becoming aware of the propensity to assume with willful ignorance, is one that requires more effort in human relations. It requires that we learn how to apply a greater complexity to our interaction. Which means some discomfort is guaranteed, as we meander a new way of expressing our thoughts within the relational space, which begins to honour all that we do not know about the other.
This new pattern demands reverence for the path of our fellow humans. It requires we look to the spaces within us that propel us to think we know what someone else knows or doesn’t know. It requires that we look at why we think, “Oh – this person is like this.”
March 10, 2023
I’d like to see us all work harder on nervous system regulation.
When you do this work, you begin to notice how often you blame other people for how you feel.
When you notice this, you begin to realize that many of the rules about what is appropriate or kind are designed to cater to dysfunctional psychological processes, born of early life wounding, IE fears.
IE we are being asked to adhere to rules created to keep us from doing the work of learning how to be with ourselves when we feel triggered by something or someone – rules that serve as placeholders for “things I got triggered by & I’ve simply not been taught a viable way to work through these feelings – so I’m going to blame how I feel on someone else.”
Maybe you’re just feeling afraid about all the early life stuff that’s coming up as a result of this exchange or experience? That’s OK. It’s a powerful moment, because you’ve received an insight into what needs to be tended to within you.
You’ve received an opportunity to see what needs healing.
We are here to do healing work. Not craft a society that caters to our unwillingness to do the work.
The long lists we make about what is appropriate and not appropriate – well, how logical and sound can they be, when they are designed to perpetuate reactionary emotional responses? And established by human beings who refuse to do their healing work?
A society filled with human beings willing to question why they feel the way they do, who are committed to learning how to move through the heightened emotional states their interactions may trigger, is a rational one. This is a society that is receptive to one another, not shut off and clinging to ways to defend their heightened emotional states.
March 8, 2023
You can’t take in more if you’re already full.
Sure, you can try to stuff it in. But then it doesn’t digest – you don’t get the proper nutrients because the body is so busy trying to look after the repercussions of being force fed.
It’s the same thing with your thoughts. You want new ones, but there’s all this stuff in the way – feelings – that impair the ability for the new way of thinking to latch on.
This is why we have to look at our emotions. We have to learn how to have a dialogue with them.
You don’t need to literally speak with them, with words. You can if you want. But there has to be some form of communication that transcends verbal & written language. You have to develop a way to tolerate the existence of all the feelings you’ve been so busy, out in the world, trying to ignore.
You’ve been building businesses, relationships, care-giving, shopping, eating, cooking, judging – so many activities! Some – many – serve a practical need.
But it’s time to be honest:
You’ve been doing it in large part to avoid how you feel.
So now we need to learn how to look at what we’ve been trying to avoid.
Because we want a new experience to come in – we know there’s something more to feel than this – and you can’t receive something new when you’re full of feelings you haven’t learned how to tolerate.
Why’s your blood pressure so high? There’d be a lot of intensity in the blood if you were working that hard to stifle a feeling you didn’t know how to feel.
So learn how to feel. Study feelings. Become an authority figure on how to work with them.
They aren’t going anywhere. Best to get to know them.
March 4, 2023
The ending of a familiar path. Finality moment. Understanding, perhaps on the edge of nervous agitation, that the structures of life & the future of everything is destined for more than our traditional thinking and knowledge base to date can ascertain – or perhaps accept with the reverence it demands.
We have work ahead of us that requires we be more receptive: to let go of how we’ve formed the structures in our lives, in the name of loyalty to our ideals. To allow intel from unknown places to inform how we co-create our reality.
For some it’s a big hit of future meet past activation. This is when it gets a bit overwhelming – when we sense all that’s been and all that has the potential of being, performing a meet & greet within us. Our stomachs and feet begin to comprehend how they are connected – how our willingness to digest the existence of an alternative reality impacts our ability to walk.
Practicality, boots-on-the-ground wise: what’s it really mean to be of service? Is it of service to willingly impair our ability to be of service, through the upholding of desired ideals? And where do we turn when we have to face the suffering of having our bubbles popped? Do we have something within us to turn to? That’s practical. And it’s always available when we commit to becoming masters at connecting with it.
We wanna hide and claim it’s all smoke and mirrors. But what happens when we get gut punched with something we said we never wanted to experience? If we’re so busy escaping to desired states, with typhonic vigour, how can we witness what’s right in front of us? And make a practical decision about it? Cut the wheat from the weeds? I mean, if we’re so busy saying it’s organic when it’s not, how are we going to source a new line of organic strawberries?
Also: How can you see the illusion if you won’t allow yourself to consider, “You know – I just think there could be something else to the story…” ? You don’t need to know all the details – you just need to be able to sense that there could be more to the story. ‘Cause there could be.
Dream of ways to meet your practical needs. Not the way you want it to go – just create an opening for the answer to come.
And add learning about energy to your chore list. Be open to sensing the things you can’t see and learning a new interpretation of them – their purpose, their intent. How they have a service to provide. How delving into the creative and artistic channels living within you shape your life.
How this work feeds your body. How it helps – or hinders – how you digest your food and your life experiences.
WTF, right?
Consults
February 15, 2023
“The deluded seeker forgets that pleasure and joy can only be what they are when experienced in contrast to their opposites. The man who seeks the one without the other will find that the experiences he seeks elude him forever. He’ll be left in a void. There simply cannot be eternal peace, pleasure and bliss. It’s pure illusion. Experiencing something without its opposite occurs due to editing not enlightenment. It occurs only via altered states of consciousness brought on by autohypnosis.
In reality all experiences are fated to be ephemeral. It’s natural, so get used to it. Whether I gain pleasure from eating or sex, one thing is absolutely certain; those and other pleasures are bound to fade and pass quickly. This does not lead sane people to abjure fleeting worldly pleasures and go in search of permanence. The void is all one can hope to find in the end. It’s what inevitably comes from defying nature’s inviolable laws.
So beware the man who wants anything to last eternally. There is no greater fool on earth. Such a person is greedy, demanding and insatiable at heart, an empty bucket who can never be filled.” – Michael Tsarion
https://www.michaeltsarion.com/stilling-the-mind.html
Feb 10, 2023
After a struggle, we often reached a new level of clarity about something that previously perplexed us.
Today is one of those days.
A truth comes out of the wood work. Our wood work – our bones. It enters our cranium and we sigh a bit of relief at how much more accessible it has suddenly become, after a long spell of wrestling.
It’s just a lot easier to be honest about some thing. You don’t wince the same way you once did (always did?) about a truth which, if you posted about it on Instagram you might receive a, “Oh – poor her! She’s just not got it figured out yet the way I do!”
You care less about that kind of response. Because this kind of clarity is grounded in the knowing that so many people don’t have it figured it out in some way, just like you haven’t had it figured out in some way – until now. Or, at the very least, you’ve ascertained a reverent courage to access this truth – to hold it in the light and witness it – not deny it and try to stuff it down where it wreaks havoc on your intestines.
OK. So this is good. Progress is being made. All that felt horrible is now showing you the role it has to play in the process of discovering the golden path.
A little further to go.
Consults
January 19, 2023
There’s wishful thinking and then there’s denying reality.
And look – reality is subjective. But consider this:
We are all biased towards our preferred outcomes.
We are willing to deny information that suggests the potential for certain outcomes, in favour of staying in our early-life curated bubble of how we’d like things to go.
We prioritize the reinforcement of our learned behaviours/view points.
This is willful ignorance. And everyone takes part.
Now it’s true, we do have a contribution to make towards outcomes.
For example, what we think about does inform our future reality. If there’s a learned mental pattern you run that says everyone is untrustworthy, you’ll draw in proof – ie people will prove to be untrustworthy in some way.
Same goes for thinking in a more optimistic way. If you affirm with a feeling of buoyancy, you’ll have more expansive experiences enter your life.
Your thoughts inform the outcome. They are like a magnet. The more you stew on it, the more it comes into fruition.
(Don’t need a scientifically stamped report for this to be legit. Try it and notice your experiences. Consider keeping a journal to convince yourself of the validity.)
But our ability to shape our future experiences does not mean ignoring incoming information.
We contain the potential to be delusional – to contort experiences in order to see things the way we’d like to see them – to serve our preferred interpretations of life.
These views feed into the channel we’d prefer out lives to consistently be tuned to. You know, the one where everything goes the way we think it should go.
Problem is, our “way” is, again, informed by early-life cratering – impacts of things that happened long ago.
So yeah – it’s tricky. Because we can get really stuck on certain channels. To change it requires developing a foundational sense of self that can handle seeing how we are trying to shape our reality according to comfort (everyone seeks comfort in different ways/feelings) and how we are being willfully ignorant.
Now, there are hard truths out there in the world, and within ourselves. And again, we do have some impact in how our lives turn out.
But at the same time that you meditate &/or focus on energies that are in alignment with your preferred outcome or feeling, there is a collective energy brewing that has a powerful impact on the trajectory.
The collective train is connected to a cloud bubble of thought which hugely informs what happens in the world.
So what I’m saying is, we need to be concerned about the things that aren’t in alignment with the outcome we’d prefer. And we do need to develop an energetic resonance that supports our evolvement.
But we must also challenge our propensity to focus solely on what we want to have happen and how we want to feel about life.
We need to work on developing a robust nervous system, IE the ability to intermingle with potentialities that have the capacity to alter our trajectory in ways we don’t really like, without drowning in them.
Basically, get honest about the ways we’re being delusional in order to adhere to our preferences.
Individuation has nothing to do with comfort and everything to do with challenging the structures in our psyches.
New age movements have done a good job of teaching people to deny the human experience. The focus is always on maintaining or clinging to a certain feeling.
This is where a healthy dose of suspicion becomes practical – where we can get curious as a cat about any inner or outer inclinations to deny life.
Consults
January 14, 2023
Sling shot-ing is not the way.
So, a way of life has proven to no longer work. It has shown to be detrimental to the ability to live.
And the decision becomes, “I know! I’ll do the polar opposite!”
OK – so this shows an interest in wanting to know more about a way we’ve never lived. That we don’t know a whole heck of a lot about.
Showing interest in something new – receptivity – is supportive of life.
But wholly devoting oneself to a movement, cause or organization because the attaching of oneself to it fuels our egoic disdain for the opposition is not the way.
You get tricked, because it feels like there is movement in the movement. But it’s just another brick wall. A dead end that has you in the same place: Controlled.
How long can you complain about the same thing over and over again? Don’t you want movement?
Learning about something, without become unwaveringly devoted to it is healthy. Because you’re not giving your power away – you’re still allowing life to come in and alter your perspective.
Maintaining receptivity to new information, not god-ifying any of it is paramount. It may prove that some parts of the polarity movement, cause or organization you feel a compulsion to join, could in fact, be full of shit.
Sling shot-ing is fuelled by a desire to be saved, and polishes the shackles in a controlling relationship.
January 10, 2023
When you can sense what it’s really about, it’s hard not to get wrapped up in forming an opinion of someone’s efforts to feign ignorance.
The only path forward is to accept the human capacity to feign ignorance when they don’t want to be with + aren’t sure how to be with their current emotional experience.
Then we can tenaciously vow to become more aware of the areas in ours lives where we do the same.
“Oh – I forgot about that.”
Naw – I don’t think you did. You just didn’t want to deal with it, or how you felt about it.
Being true to yourself means witnessing the ways you are denying reality.
Every one has the capacity to be manipulative. To twist the intention. Those who say they don’t haven’t created a strong enough foundation within themselves to look at the ways they are.
It can be terrifying to do. So be patient. With yourself and others.
January 4, 2023
We learn about love by exploring all of the ways in which we are consumed by what is unloving.
Jealousy, judgement, resentment – these exist in our bodies, our cells – our memories. They consume us more with every effort we make to assert that we must only be loving, that we must only be kind. That we can only offer Light.
Do not fall for the illusory nature conditioned into the human psyche, that states you cannot be anything but Love.
Of course you can be! And you are! You live here, at this time, when the un-loving nature of humanity is at its maximum external disclosure.
Where do you think this un-loving nature of reality comes from?
It comes from the shadows that live within you, which you refuse to acknowledge are alive within you.
A lot of humans have the best of intentions – they seek to bring light and love to this planet.
But one must face the ways they are fuelled by the unsightly elements of human illusion – the desire for power, attention, control – if they are to be effective on this path.
The shadows of humanity are alive in all of us in some way. If they weren’t, we wouldn’t be living through this cyclical experience – the replication & rhyming of moments in history we thought had long since past.
Tyranny would not be at our door steps, in our homes, in our families if it weren’t alive in us in some way.
Where do you seek power & control?
Where do you deny the existence of anything that isn’t in alignment with what you want?
Where are you refusing to look?
Where within your structural foundation – your code – are you being motivated and driven by something other than Love?
Your courage to examine these places within is your True contribution to humanity.
December 24, 2022
The goal is to build a legacy using the dying world – to use the dregs of the old world to build a new one.
So your sadness and grief about what is dying might be psychologically debilitating, but at the same time, as you walk through the rubble of debris crying, wrestling with the Truth, you’ll find a really beautiful support beam made of cedar that you can use to create a mantlepiece in your new home.
One day. Not yet.
It’s not entirely practical to burn the whole place down without looking to see what’s needed for the rebuild. If there’s perfectly good supplies – maybe aspects of old systems and groups that could be refurbished and used in a new way – it’s best to be optimistic about the potential in that resourceful nature.
You might want a fresh start, and you’re getting one, albeit one that may smoulder for a while – but there’s still some loose ends that have yet to show up in your consciousness. Bricks that need to be unearthed.
The mind has a motive that has yet to be seen, maybe one that’s not all yours.
Truth builds new systems. And Truth is informed by the death of systems that weren’t truthful.
Illusion creates disillusion, which allows the Truth to be seen. Illusion is an ingredient of Truth. Don’t hate it so hard. Thank it.
Larger than life plans can’t be executed without a commitment to some form of conventionality, born of the old world, while unequivocally embracing the new one.
You don’t want a 9-5 job? OK. Not realistic to think you can only work 2 days a week.
What are you going to do with all that energy? It has to be put somewhere. This is initiatory energy – of a creative project/work (one in the same) – it has to go somewhere. Or else you’ll go fucking crazy.
You need a strategy. And strategy is informed by the spark of life – creative self expression. It’s confusing because it tells you what your parents didn’t: what lights you up has practical application. What you feel love towards has a place in the world.
You just have to get reacquainted with Love.
December 21, 2022
We were all coerced into blaming each other. We don’t have to keep doing it.
It takes up so much energy to blame. I’d rather we both read a book about other realms. Still, it’s hard. We’ve been trained to blame – talk about an idealized relationship that is anything but ideal. So we will get some energy coming up (right now? Can you feel it?) that may help us (free will universe – ie you have choice) to look at that what’s been going on and consider,
Is this blame practical? Is it serving me, day to day? Will it help me long term?
What WILL help me long term? What do I really need, long term? How do I develop it and foster it?
What might I want to seek – what kind of journey might I want to take, that reaches beyond the confines of searching for someone to be at fault for these really big feelings I’m feeling?
IT’S NEVER TOO LATE TO DO WHAT YOU LOVE.
December 20 2022
“When we blame it takes us from our center – we become victims, we lose our agency in the world and we become small.
As we instead follow the guidance to become responsible for our emotions and our ways of relating, in time we discover we feel more ourselves now than ever previously.
As the habitual patterning begins to fall away, we act, speak and think from the deeper core of who we are. What does that mean?
It means we are empowered to speak and live from a deeper truth, to live a life of alignment and integrity inside and out – to live as we were designed.
And in that there is a natural “goodness” – one that equally honours our existence as well as another’s.
It is not selfish, but rather generous and more abundant than we can imagine.“
– Tamara Staudt in the preface to “Twelve Characters – A Transmission of Wang Fengyi’s Teachings”
December 10, 2022
Why are we seeking refuge in burning houses?
Why are we giving so much weight to the proclamations of systems that are in flames?
Why are we seeking counsel on how to put out a fire
From oligarch’s whose homes are burning to the ground?
And who says the fire needs to be put out?
Maybe we need to trust the flames, and their process. Stop pathologizing them.
Maybe there’s a Phoenix wanting to rise, and we keep dousing it with water.