What does the word, “declined” mean to you?
For me, it conjures up aged imagined scenarios of public shaming: My visa card, unable to take any more mindless spending, rejects my attempt to fill the lack-of-love void, in front of a long line of people at a high-end store. The horror I tell ya!
More recently, it comes in the form of real-life, when my post was declined from a publication I already write for. The reason?
Too introspective – Not mainstream enough.
In one heart chamber, this is deeply disappointing. The little kid in me wants to jump on top of a table and yell, “I’ll show you too fucking introspective!!”
But the grown woman who is me present day is all, “Thank-you. I’m happy to be living over here in non-mainstream territory.”
Being told my writing is too introspective is an affirmation of who I am and therefore, a righteous compliment.
I feel the pull to think, talk and write about the deep stuff, much to the chagrin of folks who are looking for a less intense, “nice weather today, eh?” conversation (FYI I live in Canada.)
Surface-level doesn’t do it for me. And it’s not that I haven’t delved into the lighter fared “10 ways to do something” type post in the past. Being human means selectively conforming – We’ve all got bills to pay!
But with every day that passes I’m getting more real and more me. And I’m not cool with contorting into a mainstream approved version of myself anymore. It’s just not the way I roll.
Do I come off too intense, too deep, and too “crazy” by some standards? Hell yeah, I do.
But my goal – to use my wellness journey as inspiration to produce content that resonates with people who want to evolve and grow and heal – takes precedent over attempting to fit in with people who don’t understand me.
I’m married to that goal BTW, even though there are days I’m confused (AKA, a little bit freaked out) about where it’s all going to take me. That confusion/fear sometimes tells me to dip my toes back into tried-and-true, “that ain’t for me” waters, in an effort to reach a larger audience.
I seek the truth about what it is to be a happy and healthy human being, and mainstream approval is not required for that to happen.
My truth entails researching, writing, and speaking about why we act and think in ways that harm ourselves and others, in an attempt to motivate people to investigate the sources of their emotional and physical pain.
And as I said earlier, I’m not yet sure where this writing and research will take me. (I’ve got B-school with Marie Forleo coming up which should help out with that.)
But I know without a hint of doubt I’m not going to reach any personal milestones by forcing myself to be less introspective.
I can see myself contemplating ways to get my message across to a wider audience. But to me, if it’s not written from the heart it’s not true.
And I can’t live with that sour feeling in my gut that says, “You’re writing this for clicks – Stop writing this for clicks.” Yuck.
As a quick dictionary search offers, introspective is “the examination or observation of one’s own mental and emotional processes.”
Given that definition, I would happily wear a pin that says, “too introspective” every day of the week.
Rejection is never an easy pill to swallow. But we will never become all that we are meant to become or attain any degree of long-term happiness, if we focus all our efforts on getting accepted.
Which is why I’m making it my priority as a female human being in 2018 to challenge the toxic normalcy that is mainstream thinking.
Top all that off with the fact that it’s a disservice to my soul and the time I’ve been given on this planet to squander my drive to evolve and share what I learn along the way, and I’ve got myself a pro-introspective platform that’s as solid as a rock. 😉