Lightbulb moments happen to me quite often, with varying degrees of intensity.
I read a lot, think a lot, and write a lot. It helps me make sense of the world, and sort out why I feel and act the way I do.
This morning’s lightbulb moment was solid:
When we don’t feel we are good enough as we are, we become impatient not only with ourselves but with others.
This was a huge moment of realization for me, because I have become increasingly impatient over the past 4 months.
It’s a cyclical and predictable scenario: get frustrated with <name>, apologize shortly thereafter, then repeat.
It’s tiring. It’s exhausting. I’m sick of it. And I’m sure <name> is sick of it too.
But I feels as though I have no control over it.
Until this morning’s lightbulb moment when the connection came through.
I’ve taken some courageous steps forward lately in my journey to wellness. I’m allowing some doors in my mind to open, ones I always feared peering behind.
So maybe my courage is being rewarded with insight.
I know that my mind defaults to thinking high-level thoughts, and often skips what appears to be somewhat obvious to some. So my lightbulb moment might not seem next-level to many.
But to me it cracked the lid on my impatience issues, which is amazing. Cause I have to get it under control.
So here’s what sounds about right to me: I think my impatience with others is an ego-boosting tactic.
I allow myself to become impatient with others in order to establish myself as worthy. It’s an attempt to dominate and make myself feel more powerful, to counterbalance the thoughts which have me feeling the opposite.
Or else I am simply displacing my frustrations with myself onto others.
Perhaps a little of both? 😉
Either way, I feel confident this new insight will help me better manage my impatience issues. If I can accept that the impatience stems from a thought, I can work on changing the thought, and the feeling associated with it.
Not an easy task, but I’m up for it.
Andrea Scoretz is a freelance writer, blogger, and poet from Vancouver Island, BC who’s gearing up to write her first book.
She also creates quality content that creates connection for small businesses. Head over to her freelance writing website to learn more.