In the same swift design that I can erratically make a decision that counters my true desires, I can use the same energy to propel me towards a choice that constructs something powerful and productive.
Within the sorrow of realizing that someone wasn’t who I thought they were can come a profound and proud moment, where I can see all experiences provide opportunities to relate, learn and transform.
At times I feel boxed in by what the experiences in my life offer me. Maybe you can relate/I’m sure you can. The person who behaves in kind and generous ways can also behave unethically. Upon realizing this I may default to feeling unsafe around them. I may feel tricked or duped, or worry about the extent to which they are capable of manipulation and destruction, and how that might impact me. Also, what kind of work I need to do to clean things up.
At the same time, I have to honour my contribution to my experience.
When I feel the fire rise up within me upon witnessing the existence of destructive behaviours, I must also witness the rosy veil I placed over the person or experience. I must also acknowledge that the person involved may have no clue about what they did. Even if it is unethical, it could be that they are OK with – that they’ve normalized the behaviour. If they have, they would have difficulty seeing the repercussions of their choices.
I can feel empathy for what someone doesn’t know or see. They are me and I am them. I know what it’s like to live from that place – to not be aware of what the soul needs us to be aware of.
But I need to honour what I honour in life, and what I want to be in support of.
Some of those things are respect for creative copyright. Honesty. Owning our choices and behaviours. Acknowledging when we may have acted dishonourably and calling ourselves out for it. And setting the intention to do things differently next time.
The dance of life is to find balance. ♎︎
To seek harmony between our need to transform and our need to feel safe, and our desire to honour what we learned with the need for endings.
We can ask questions to help us. Do we want to foster passive-aggressiveness by giving the people who offer it our energy? Do we want to fuel unethical business practices by choosing nostalgia over distancing ourselves from those who normalize it? Are we willing to see all the moments when we may have done the same thing? And are we willing to see that our denial of such acts is fueling them? Because an unwillingness to accept the truth is fuelling something.
A powerful question: What are we willing to support? Are we willing to see how every action we make is a vote for something?
I think about a post a creative small business owner/acquaintance of mine once shared, about everything you buy in life being a vote for something.
I think of it often, not only when I consider where I will buy an item I need or want, but when I choose to endorse people. Lately, I’ve been thinking about it a lot more as I face the need to consider where and who I’m directing my energy towards – who I’m supporting through my choices, and in what ways.
Life is about change. Transformation. To balance the need to allow transformation to occur with a desire to feel safe and secure. ♎︎
At times it can feel like we are stretching ourselves in the most awkward of positions as we wrestle with the need for transformation. We want to keep something the same because it feels familiar – it’s what we know.
Then the moments come when we realize we cannot tie ourselves to what was anymore. Acts are unveiled that make it an impossibility to not make changes. We may realize we are voting for something we don’t want in power by continuing to give it our energy. Given that realization, we may realize that something we once thoroughly enjoyed is not what we thought it was, and it’s no longer an option to entertain it in the same capacity we once did.
Denial may be futile, yet we still dance with it, stretching ourselves in bizarre positions as we seek peace in the matter of letting go.
We think of all the moments that were wonderful and ask, “why do I want to let those go?” We are letting go of nothing. All that was is in the now. And all that will be is here too. If that is true for us, then to not allow change to happen – to not allow our feet or hearts or minds to lift from the past and be with us in the present – is harmful.
It is saying no to the future. And we all have things we want to happen in the future, so we must let go, in order to say yes to the unknown.
We may feel restricted by the memories.
We don’t want to mourn the loss of them, and what they mean – the effect they have had upon the foundation of our lives.
We fear the mourning. We are desperate to avoid how it feels. Letting go may allow sadness to live within us, which we are taught to suppress and deny, so we don’t want to let go. We want to run from all the feelings that infer that we must let go. We may also begin to feel confused as we question if we are sabotaging ourselves or dishonouring the past by ending the relationship which created the memories we feel connected to.
It is in the mourning that we transform.
It is in the feeling of the sadness and the alignment with gratitude for all that we experienced and learned that creates an essential foundation for us to exist upon and live from.
Love for what was and love for our capacity to become what we are meant to become must co-exist. Because there is living in the unknown – the transition from what was to what will be – and then there is comfort.
One leads you where you desire. One doesn’t.
It’s uncomfortable in the unknown and in the mourning. These are not places we love to be. But they are part of the journey. They are part of us. And necessary. We must allow them to exist within and through us. We must learn to love them and honour them. This is the path.
It’s not for nothing. It’s all for some-thing – a thing we will one day experience if we dare to allow ourselves to transition from what we knew, to what we will one day be able to witness in the flesh.