Sometimes you gotta suck it up and let that stupid comment go.
You’ve got to ignore the messages from the person who refuses ownership – who refuses to acknowledge their part in what you’re parlaying.
And it sucks because in order to be free you need to let some people continue to just not get it. Maybe even let them think you’re the one to blame.
We’ve got our hands full because we have this buddy of ours, our ego, who really wants us to get all up in someone’s inbox, and let them know that what they’re dishing out isn’t OK.
I love my ego – It cracks me up. It teaches me to stand up for myself. But there are many, many times where I’ve had to say, “Thanks for the motivation bud, but I’m tapping out on this one. There is no point in pursuing the need to be right with this particular person.”
Sometimes you have to suck it up and let someone think you’re wrong in the name of self-care.
Even when people try to displace all the wrong right back on to you, you have to hit delete and carry on.
Especially when it comes to addicts. Because you can’t expect truth and generosity and bravery from someone who is locked in an addiction. It is simply not possible, and to try for it is a disservice to your health.
Addicts are living in survival mode, which skews their ability to witness or acknowledge reality.
A person with a heavily engrained addiction will do whatever they can to protect and defend it and the lifestyle it requires to survive. (Think dissociation. Heavy doses of it.)
I’m not saying the folks without hardcore addictions are always right. No one is immune to being arrogant, narcissistic or selfish on occasion (Because we are human, through and through.)
But when you don’t have a crutch killing off brain cells faster than you can make them, you’ve got a lot more clarity than those who do.
Ego has a field day with hangovers and withdrawals, using it as prime time to make sure everyone knows that no matter what, it is never wrong.
It remains committed to denying ownership or responsibility for any chaos that results from its wake.
And sadly addicts don’t know how to be emotionally generous, specifically in situations where they are being called on to step up and take ownership of the outcomes of their behaviours.
As much as we want to clap back and let them know how we really feel – that what they are dishing out is grade A bullshit – we need to be strategic with our efforts.
As my friend Jen used to say: “Choose Your Battles.”
Self-care is more important than attempting to convince someone who isn’t capable of being generous that you’re right.
Which means sometimes you just have to walk away. Or hit the delete button. Or mute the conversation. Whatever works. 😉