Must Love Crows

The past few days have been crazy uncomfortable for me.

It hasn’t been bad enough for me to regress and make shitty decisions in an attempt to quell my discomfort. It just had me admitting:  “I gotta sort these feelings out because I am not going back down that road.”

Here’s what I’ve learned:

Putting yourself out there is tough, because it opens the door to rejection.

In the thick of emotion, it’s hard to envision someone rejecting your truth as ever being easy to take. Particularly when they do it in grandiose, mean-spirited fashion.

But when you put yourself out there, people might be dicks. And as much as I don’t like it, it’s par for the course.

Sometimes social media is just too much for me. There are days when I wipe my iPhone clean of all apps because I am so not in the right head space to deal with the unpredictability factor. You never know what someone is going to say. It’s like Schrödinger’s cat: until you open up that DM or check that comment, the message is both positive and negative.

So yeah, super uncomfortable stuff, particularly when you start receiving unsettling comments.

I can take logic to that kinda stuff: angry, bitter, aggressive people exist. They don’t like who they are, so they reject people who do.

I mean, why would they want someone to receive acclaim for being who they are, when they loathe their own existence?

But answer me this man: why you so angry?

Actually I can answer that, because I used to be that mean: because there’s no love.

As I said in my Huffington post piece,

When love is missing, a lot of negative stuff comes out of the woodwork: anger, resentment, fear, jealousy.

And here’s a few other things I have learned over the past couple years, and in the days following the publication of that piece:

  • You being you is contagious, like laughter or yawning, which makes it totally worth the risk.
  • When you start doing what feels right for you, instead of what will soothe the vintage beliefs of others, you flourish.
  • You gotta put in the time and effort to get where you want to be, constantly educating yourself, and never settling for the belief that you’ve aged out of needing to know more.
  • You might have to open up dusty trunks filled with undesirable truths.
  • Sometimes it’s crawl-outta-your-skin horrible, as in acknowledging the “I am that which I loathe” principle. That’s not a fun one to accept.
  • If you face the gross feelings, they won’t be able to take up so much space in your head anymore.
  • Once you get out the other side of feeling shitty, there’s a whole pile of feeling good to be experienced.
  • The gross feelings serve a purpose: they can be used as a radar system to navigate your life. If you listen to them, they will steer you on the right path.

Final thoughts: go easy on yourself, even if other people don’t think you have the right to do so. And don’t let your mind run away with some mean comment by some random person who’s trying to make you feel like shit for being you.

Don’t fuel that hateful stuff, or you’ll invite more of it into your life. Do what you gotta do to get right with yourself. 

Now, I shall take my own advice and exchange the heaviness for some lightness.

Cupcakes are light…right? hmmm.


About the Author
I'm Andrea, a writer, self-care advocate, and writing consultant with a drive to heal and help others.

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